Losting my feelings

“The surroundings are noisy as I make my way home, umbrella in hand, I hurry to shore up the potholed road as the children run. The rain is getting stronger but the people here don't care about the approaching typhoon. They continue to rush down the road. Most of the ones I see are gambling on one side, on the other side drinking while singing. In other words, it's like a fiesta here where I live. I closed the umbrella before going home. But what appeared to me again was the mother holding a card. They gamble here inside the house with gossips like him, I put the umbrella behind the door. I haven't even gotten far from my mother calling my name. "Natasha!" I looked at my mother who was in the living room, I heard the heavy rain while waiting for what she had to say. "Yes?" "Come here!" I sighed and approached the mother, when I was at her side she easily extended her palm. "Give me money!" "Yes?" "Are you deaf now, Natasha? Aren't you now getting paid at the bakery!" "Yes mother, but I will sell this medicine to father.." "I'll buy it, mine!" I didn't want to hand the money to my mother, she was dealt a card and I knew that my hard work could only be lost in two weeks. "Don't worry, I'll buy it from outside.." he gave me a bad look, at this time I knew there was nothing I could do. "Are you bossing me around this house, Natasha!" "N-not like that, mother.." "Then give him your money!" I felt bad when I snatched more than three thousand from my old bag. I cried when I handed it to mom as I felt hunger in my stomach. "Is this all?" "O-opo.." my voice screamed. "Oh, he is! There are vegetables in the kitchen, cook them and feed them to your father first!" My body is heavy when I turn my back on my mother, in this house I am the first born. It's not just the firstborn, the cook, the laundress and the cleanliness of the surroundings. At the age of seventeen, the word social did not resonate with me. I scratch not for myself, but also for my family that I don't know if they consider me family. "Sister!" the youngest girl came up to me, smiling. "Did you buy me slippers?" I nodded at this, smiling slightly. "Yes, it is on the side of the door. Just take it.." "Yes!" he happily ran out, I headed to the table where the wrapped mixed vegetables were. After a while, my youngest brother screamed again, he entered the kitchen. "Sister, this is not what I want!" twelve year old chloe grumbled. I was only able to buy a simple slipper because I only fit it in my closet earlier, I couldn't buy the expensive sandals he wanted for his studies. "Next time sister will buy what you want, hm?" "I do not want!" he threw a pair of slippers on the floor. "That's yours, your promise is useless!" he turned and stared at me, my throat was closing as he slowly looked at the slippers that had been bought. If they are they can afford to waste money on such things, but I am. I almost looked for and chased the money just to give and make them happy. But I didn't hear even the slightest thanks. I let out a heavy breath, picked up the slipper and set it aside. Before I could start, mother entered the kitchen. "What a shame you are acting, Natasha!" from the tone of his voice I knew he lost the gamble, I prayed that he didn't regret the money I gave him earlier. "You only gave me three thousand, isn't your salary around four thousand!" "I'm budgeting because that's the money I have left over.." "Ah then, you have a budget while we are here without money?!" "I have already given you the salary, father's medicine is only one thousand.." "How about a thousand, I'll buy a month's worth of his medicine. How can I pay for the electricity if you don't give it enough!" "I broke it last week, didn't I? The electricity has been paid.." He slammed the table in front of me. "I bought a lot with that money, I haven't paid yet!" I closed my eyes because of the problems he throws at me, I'm not the first born, I should take everything. He won't even help me with the expenses, he'd rather lose it in gambling. "Your money is mine!" "Mother.." "You will not give it!" tightly holding my arm, his long nails digging into it as he glared at me. "They feed you there at work, don't they!" "P-per in--" "Said mine!" He forced me to grope, but because I moved away I didn't accidentally push the mother. "Ouch!" he sat down on the floor, grimacing as he held his hips. He looked up at me, his gaze evil. "Are you fighting me now?!" he stood up. "N-no mom, I-I didn't mean it.." "You're useless!" he pulled my hair, I almost cried as he dragged me out of the house. That's when the father came out, struggling to move the wheel of his wheelchair while calling the mother's name. "Helda!" I heard my father's voice from outside, but my mother was angry with me and pushed me down outside our shack. "Get out of here, don't come back until you have money!" Tears flowed from my eyes, before I could stand up, mother marched into the”