Love Me One More Time

“when will I come back, Jov? Govan and I are here at the airport. Why... Why did you change your mind? You want to leave me here first?" I asked my wife from the other line. I looked at my son that I was carrying now. This is the day I've been waiting for. The day we were going back to the Philippines and I forced Joavani several times to send us home. I was still happy when he told me that. That my son and I can go back but he called me because he wanted to... Only Govan, only Govan will come back and not with me. "Just follow what I said, Gotchelle... Govan will go home first. Don't worry, I will still set a schedule for when you will come back here," he said and I sighed. "I've been waiting for this day for several months, Jov..." I said and my tears immediately fell to the side. My chest felt heavy and I felt like I was having trouble breathing. "Please... When I have chosen the day to take you home, I will pick you up, Gotchelle..." "Why are you doing this to me, Joavani? Did I think... Did I think that everything was gone from you? After you... gave our son a DNA test and you found out that you... You are really his Daddy and not--" "We just talked today, Gotchelle. So don't let us fight anymore just because of that. Yes, I don't have all that anymore. I understand and know the truth. Just please, just follow me," he pleaded. I sighed again and caressed my son's face. "Aren't you surprised, Joavani? That's why I only sent you the DNA test of our son? That's why you still don't know Govan's face?" I asked him smiling and my tears started to fall. My chest tightened until I could feel the pain. "G-Gotchelle..." "He's just like you, he looks just like you, Joavani. There is no doubt...that he is your son. That's why, I didn't send you his photos because I want... I want you to recognize him as your son and not doubt him... Jov... Alright, I'll follow what you said. Just...just take good care of our son, while...while I'm gone, huh? I love him very much, Jov. I love our son very much," I said and kissed Govan's head with all my heart and then handed him to his babysitter. "Gotchelle?" "When they arrive. Call me right away, Joavani. Alright..." I said and hung up. "Ma'am, are you sure you won't be coming with us?" my son's babysitter asked me worriedly. I shook my head. "I hurt my husband too much before and I didn't appreciate him just because...I wanted another man but...he's not hard to love so I'll follow what he wants. To what he commands me. Just take care of my son, okay?" I said and he nodded. Govan even extended his hand as if he didn't want me to go away and when I grabbed it, it just tightened. "Ma'am..." "See you when I see you, my son. Mommy loves you, always," I tearfully said and when they started walking away from me, I felt like a big rock hit my chest. My tears looked like rain because of their successive drops. I waved at him even though he was trying to look at me and was crying. This is what Joavani wants, what my husband wants so I will follow. I still hope that soon I will be the one to leave this country but that thing did not happen. Because when he called me and he was going to pick me up, I refused. How can I go home to us? How else can I show him when I'm... useless? Because when I was on my way home from the airport, I didn't expect that there was an accident waiting for me and that was the reason why...I became paralyzed. I can't walk anymore so if I go home to my parents I will just be a burden to them. So I chose to stay here...for a few years. Yes, it took that long. I often tell Joavani that I will also go home next month but that just passes and I don't do it. Because I deliberately didn't go on... He won't need a wife who is only in a wheelchair.”