If your father abused your mom

admiration. Soft, pastel hues of pinks, whites, and greens adorn the interior, enhancing the space with a touch of eleg

ceiling holds an impressive chandelier, adorned with dangling crystal flowers that gently sway, casting enchanting patterns of light across the room. Eve

I take a seat. He loved my flowers like they were his babies and he had the same pa

me from acting out my anger, with the bottle I had in my hand, I could have done some damage. There's a strong part of me that wants to see my father blee

gs me back to the present, and I

d embrace him. "This

It's good

which is likely a result of our history. I try to hint at Jer

s and

y, touching Jeremiah's hand. "I mean you really meant it w

hat he was the first person I heard use that phrase regularly in c

tough at first, g

wa

he smiles back, but

I was at the burial

want to speak with anyone

ain. It's been a year since we decided to take some space from each

sor

him that I'll be fin

back."

ka

remember seeing him as a dirty, weird black Jamaican boy, someone my parents had brought home to work as a house cleaner. B

but be drawn to the matured muscular makeup of his teenage body. I was taken aback, so much so that I stum

We went from awkward conversations to very honest ones. From that moment on, my perception of him shifted,

and warmth within him. He was no longer the "dirty weird bl

servant. As he transformed his appearance, I couldn't help but admire him even more. We spent countless hours together, sharing our worlds.

be my pretend boyfriend, hoping to make the stupid boyfriend jealous. Naively, Jeremiah had follow

sed him, and he hadn't deserved it. We ended that night with me apologizing to him, and an unexpected kiss. In

ts my eyes, his gaze is filled with worry. With a heavy breathe he slides the diary across the table, and his voice breaks as he speaks. It has a pi

with me." J

iary, staring at it before picking it up,

etween them," Jeremiah's voice is ti

ok at Jeremiah. "I didn't know what my mom was go

es. 'When it's people you care a

e the relationship between my parents the way I wanted it to be, not the way it wa

ding. He's like the brother I

prays for God's grace to comfort me, for divine guidance and he hesitates, then he says God's mercy should find my d

*

and change my clothes before delving into it. I feel like my mind would melt out of curiosity by then. I open the weathered pages of the d

st Sam

ce in my head. Dearest Samantha. She would often say it with a s

ieve it was just a mistake, but I realized it wasn't a mistake because he started yelling af

word to me since I've known him from college, but since

ther. This is a lot, but I can't h

t of him exists. It's just after a while, I barely see it unless you're around. He

her from his darkness? Was that why I never susp

s become. I wonder if I hadn't had cancer and put him

e days, I try to remember the past a lot. To remind

irst day we met, which was a random day at the Central park, he knelt before me and pulled out a ring. I was so nervous,

ory. I've never been married so I'm not quite sure what's special about the first meeting, or what's special enough about it to make you talk about

Most times it feels forced. His face always seems tense. But

And your dad is a pretty good cook. He made pasta and meatballs. 'Pasta al Ragù' as it's called in Italy. Then he sang my favorite Italian song, 'Volare' by Mondugno

've been so angry with him that I would rather erase

?" I asked your father a

led. It was a genuine s

is feeling that there's been so

then he said "I'm happy you're s

"I'll always be with you." Your dad seemed comforted by my words,

n the door, and the tens

s please." He sou

to say no but I wasn

..." He had this intens

elt like I needed to cooperate with hi

d usually entertains. No, they looked dangerous. Like gangsters in suits with lots of beard and a briefcases. I kept wondering when and how your father got to know s

ing must have been be painful. I wondered why he was shaking their hands and ushering them out like everything was normal. The man I used to kno

t's eat" that's what he said, and he had that dark cloud on his face, like someone who was very sad. As we sa

, his eyes were focused on digging his cutleries into the fo

buisness?" I p

I'm just doing what's good for buisness ri

ying to see if I could accept his

up my deal with them and they'll never

ng for me to accept his words, even if he k

ospital. You ask many more questions and I think I've lost my...you know...lost myself a bi

int. Also, because I felt guilty of how much my illness had strained our relationship, and how lonely he

time I want to keep record of our time together, beca

y mom was in coma. I numbed the pain with alcohol, partying and intense studying. Seeing her like that, I struggled. I ask myself if maybe, If I had spent more time with my dad if th