Scattergood Baines

they up and married each other," said Will Pratt, postmaster of Coldriver

e young couple who had the moment before passed his hardware store, not walking jovially in the e

sunup to milkin' time. Used to do it private like, but it's been gittin' so lately you ca

e what, Will? Got any idee wher

ooks like they go to bed spiteful and wake up acr'monious. 'Tain't like as if Jed was the breed of feller that bea

ied, five year ago. 'Twan't indicated them days. Jed he couldn't set easy if Marthy wasn't nigh, and Marthy went around lookin' as if she'd swallered a pin and it hu

ating" said t

' the mail, Will. G'-by, Will; and, Will, if 'twas me I dunno but what I'd kind of keep my mouth

od portended that something was on his mind and that he wanted to be alone and think, so he with

est, closed his eyes, and gave himself up enthusiastically to looking l

ung 'em together.... Somethin's got crossways. Um!... Take them young folks separate, and you couldn't ask for noth

ed in leather, Scattergood's brain refused to function, a characteristic which greatly chagrined his wife, Mandy-so much so that she ha

r of socks, so now, upon the removal of his shoepacs, his toes were fully at liberty to squirm and wriggle in the most soul-satisfying manner. He sat t

n a manner which he endeavored to ma

rip, Pliny? Plenty of passenger

r Conroy down to Tupper Falls died of somethin' the matter with

f a baby did she c

o year old. Neighbors

relat

anybody

ssin' Jed Lewis's

t figg

s's, was you?" Scattergo

cou

f you seen Jed, what was you

hed his head

some, and maybe I might say su

ld you, Pliny? Don't figg

mi

reason for mentionin' that I might want to ta

last enlightened as to Scatte

y, Pl

Scatte

the store and stopped. "Pliny Pickett

Told you I said I

t he kind of hinted around and pecked around till I

as long's you're here you might as well set. Ha

cocked twice and had to

itics talked

n' spe

d depressed, and conducted himself lik

news from

t hear

e Packinses do

or this, because no such family as the Packinses existe

parate," sai

ly, bit his lip, an

ur?" he

gin' at each other and squabblin' and hectorin'.... Nice young folks, too. Used to se

nce you wake up and things is that way, and you dunno how they come to

like you knowed s

s that he wanted to talk about his domestic affairs; that he wanted to loos

ergood, with an infle

last. Seems like we can't bear the sight of each other-when we git together. And yit-sounds mighty funny, too-I calc'late to be as

n't it? Kind of a mean d

hin's jest went wrong. They's times when I git mad and it all looks to be her fault, and then I ketch my own self startin' some hectorin' mea

lc'late to

lkin' it

hy wi

ing we know, we're right into the middle of another squabble. I want Marthy, and I guess M

d five year,

ear las

. But if it has to it will. Better live happy

ung Lewises because the first rule of Mandy's life was "Mind your own business," and it irritated her beyond measure to see Scattergood pok

quarrelin' and bickerin' ontil life hain't endurable no longer. 'T

l," said the deacon, gloomil

lamed f'r a heap of things that ought to

cussed. Used to be so in the Garden of Eden, and it'l

in' and hectorin' hain't nothin' but a kind of dispepsy that attacks fa

ly with a dose of calomel,

en. But somethin' else is wrong with them young Lewises. A dose of so

to git results.... Soothin' syrup-eh? Have to tell the boys that one. Soothin' syrup.

t have to take so much sody followin' meals to sweeten you

of a gallant and spicy character. It is characteristic of Scattergood that he waited until Pliny had reached his climax, sho

Step over h

is audience: "See that? Can't let an evenin' pass without

gs," said Old Man Bogle. "Th

and in careful imitation of Scatte

as usual to-night? Didn't meet with

ite, Sca

ough Bail

ulate

y n

ar

you was a-tellin' about? The one that lost h

f him. Calc'late he'll b

-year-old, was he? Take

at knows as how he was

epin' him

s she don't notice no difference to speak of. Claims 'tain't

acts over there to the post office?

ergood. You needn't to worry

uch as you do would have to mention

that Postmaster Pratt alluded

could 'a' heard forty mile. Ended up by him threatenin' to leave her, and by her tellin' him that if

t? There's a reason f'r it, I calculate. Ever look

ost office keeps me th

ave. Figge

lts, Scat

e-so

be t

I got it all figgered out," he said, "that the

d with bewilderment. "Soothin' syrup! I swan to man!..

question. He merely waggled his he

or not, but finally he turned through the gate and walked around to the kitchen door. Inside he saw Martha ridding up the

Marthy,"

suddenly. The change in

e porch. ... Let me fetch you a hot cup of

Scattergood. "I w

he sullen expression returning to her

ill then-if you kin. I call to mind the time when you was all-fi

s gone," she

said Sca

ed and me is about through. Nothin' but fussin' and backbitin' and

eap of store by him," S

he said, slowly. "But I can

Scattergood, as one speaks

t's got into us, Mr. Baines, but we no sooner git into the sam

to have things the w

"Them first two-three years! Jed

drinkin'

touches

emper," said Scat

' to git out of this house. I've made up my mind." She started untying her apron. "I'm a-goin' right

I got a special reason. If you was to go this mornin' it 'u'd upset my plans. After Sattidy you kin do as y

ll be any good to you, I'll do it. But n

Marthy. G'-by,

driving his sway-backed horse over the mountain roads to the southward. He notified nobody of

seven children of her own, the Conroy orphan, and a constantly changing number of cats. Nobody could have done it but Mrs. Patterson. The house resembled one of those p

red, followed by Mrs. Patterson, seven children, an old man, and an old wom

es he?" Scattergo

most," said M

to feed him up on? I got a bag of doughnuts and five-six

but his objectin' to you a-carryin' him like he was a horse blanket.... You wait right there till I git a bottle of mi

ng uns. Might's well start now. Bet me 'n this here

, with something that might have been a twinkle in her

imbed into his buggy clumsily, placing the baby on the seat b

baby hushed suddenly and

to git on fine if you jest keep your mouth shet. If you behave yourself pro

mands he felt were indispensable to his horse. This delightful situation continued for upward of two hours, an

this one clean to the

erely up at Scattergood; it opened its mouth tentatively, closed it again, and then-and th

tartled Scattergood. "He

kicked out with his legs, and gave himself u

listen here; that hain't no way to

s knee, and jounced it up and down furiously, performing an act which he imagined to be singing, a th

I sh'u'd do? Hain't they no way of shuttin' him off? Look-ee here, young fel

cattergood. The cries became more maddening. Scattergood was not hungry, so it did not occur to him that the infant might be thinking of food. He dandled it, he whistled, he sang, he pointed out the interesting attributes of his horse

he basket and thrust it toward the young person, who did with it what seemed right to him, and, with a gurgle of satisfaction, settled down to

ent lest he wake it, so that it would commence again to cry. He sweat cold and he sweat hot, and he wished wishes in his secret h

llage, and, with the baby cautiously held in his arms, he slunk through back ways and short cuts to the house where Jed and Martha Lewis made their home. With meticulous stealth he p

lay upon the step. A tentative cry issued from the baby; a bass exclamat

word, but Scattergood could see her press it close, and, in the light that c

o with the doggone

ed, wordless, closing the door after them.... Scatte

e the news to Scatte

ed. "Hain't nobody been able to identify it. Nary a mark nor a sign on to it

exclaimed Scatterg

I'm

's Je

his head, and every once in a while he gits up and lo

bout M

Marthy, but I heard her a-singin' this mornin' 'fore br

in' to the baby," Sc

n' breakfast. Jest the time she

decided unanimously that it had been brought from a distance. As to the intentions of the Lewises regarding its disposit

ood called upon th

he demanded. "Taxpayers'll be wantin' to know

late we be. I been figgeri

aid Scattergood. "They'll be expectin' you to

street and rapped a

First Selectman, pompously, to Jed,

room. "What you want?" she de

f'n your hands and send it to a institution.

ched the lapels of his coat. Scattergood noticed with some pleasure that Jed's arm went automatically about her waist. "Make 'em git out, Jed. Tell 'em they can't

eep, where he stood for a moment looking down at it with a curious expression. Then he turned suddenl

he saw from the corner of his eye that she was sobbing on her husband's

ed wanted we should g

showed that he can't stand up to the Fi

' you might sort of thank Gawd that there's sich things as human bein's with human feelin's, and that there's

o-night it was occupied again. Martha was there with the baby against her breast, and Jed was there, his arm tightly about his wife, and one of the baby's hands lying o

se dust had gotten in his eyes. He stopped at

f soothin' syrup and Jed Le

I mind it, S

with Jed in the hammick, and they're a-holdin' on their lap the doggondest best soothin' syrup f'r man and wife that