Torchy As A Pa

matter of fact, stated confidential and on the side, it was the little lady herself who pushed the star

w flurry that had finally concluded to turn to rain, and as I drops off the 5:18 I was glad enough to

climb in. "I might have got good and damp paddlin'

ackage the driver forgot to deliver. It must be th

ss agent and stowed it inside, all the other commuters had boar

re a large and elegant lady is pacin' up and do

ek. "I believe it's tha

behind the wheel and

s my arm. "How utterly snobbish of us!" say

nnin' boar

mp until tomorrow,"

posin' party in the big hat and the ruffled mink coat.

rvey, is

nod and I notice her face is pinked

here can't we take

the sheets of rain, she steps up hesitatin'. "I suppose my stupid chauffeur forgot I'd g

culous package in the express office and squee

-" say

me, with a party the size of Mrs. Garvey as the party of the third part, it was a tight fit.

but one other person at a time. But it's heaps better than having no

at's what it was, though. Hardly a word out of our stately passenger. She sits there as stiff as if she was crated, starin' cold and stony straight ahead, and that peevish flush still showin' on her cheekbones. Why,

am obliged to depend on-on strangers." And while Vee still has her mouth open,

off, eh, Vee?" says I chuckly. "Yo

"Why, I never dreamed that I ha

t is of swimmin' with the ducks. Say, my right arm is numb from being so close to

been livin out here nearly a y

alled on. Maybe you know how it is in one of these near-swell suburbs! Not that there's any reg'lar committee to pass on newcomers. So

n't belong. I don't expect either of us asked for details. Whether or not they did wasn't up to us. But everybody seems to take it t

nds, and made several stabs at bein' folksy. But there's no response. None of the bridge-playing set drop in of an afternoon to ask Mrs. Garvey if she won't fill in on Tuesday next, she ain't invited to join the Ladi

ere does she get that stuff?" I asks Vee, after we get home. "Who's been telling

it," says Vee. "And perhaps we have. I'm rather sorry for th

ation platform when she was talking to Garvey. Not that all the lady members of the Country Club set are shrinkin' violets who go around costumed in Quaker gray and whisper their remarks modest. Some are

a diamond-set Shriners' watch fob, and an Elks' emblem in his buttonhole. Course, you wouldn't expect him to have any gentle, ladylike voice, and he don't. I heard he'd been sent on as an eastern agent of some big Kansas Cit

as much to do with it as we did about fixin' the price of coal, or endin' the sug

er we are strangers, and not give

Garvey limousine stoppin' out front. As I happens to be wanderin'

llard for picking Mrs. Garvey up the other day when our fool chau

ouldn't do much less fo

you don't mind my saying so, it's about the first

ance to show it before. Will you come in a m

n't reg'lar," says he,

planted him in a wing chair, and poked up the

you something and have you give me

ecialty," say

er with us-Mrs. Garve

nything the matter with eit

the milkman, and so on. My money seems to be good enough for them. But as for the others-well, you know how we've been frozen out. As th

gent sittin' by your own fireside that maybe he's a bit rough in the neck, or too much of a yawp to fit into t

e bill handed in by a pink tea grand jury it's been done with

couldn't you slip me a few useful hints? There's no use denyin' we're in wrong here. I don't suppose it matters much just how; not now, anyway. But

sportin' spi

line on how to get

tches my head a

t I can't learn? Is it parlor etiquette? Then me for that. I'll take lessons

ough," says I,

with the best people. All live wires, too. We had a new country club that would make this one of yours look like a freight shed. I helped organize it, was one of the directors. And the Madam took her part, too; first vice-president of the W

muggled in the back do

"I don't. I don't get 'em at all. What brainy stunts or polite acts ar

natural, I g

ural?" demands Gar

ho was minister to Greece or Turkey once. Married some plute's widow abroad and retired from the diplo

s?" asks

ses," says I. "Anything around the

he does it himse

the blinds off one side of the house and was touchin' 'em up. Mrs. Keating was givin' a tea that afternoon and he crashes right in amongst 'em askin'

ed. "House painting, eh?" sa

e potty-built old sport with the pink complexion

Bland, the big brokerage house," s

'em down to the store in a suitcase and sells as high as $20 worth a week, they say. I hear he did start peddlin' 'em around the neighborhood

," says Garvey. "Cucumb

on, one of the Standard Oil crowd, who only shows up at 26 Broadway for t

s Garvey,

of strings. Writes reg'lar plays for 'em. He's got a complete little theatre fitted up over his garage; stage, scenery, footlights, folding chairs

wearing gloves and carrying a cane;" says he. "Afraid of doing something that wasn't genteel, or tha

t states i

se I could do th

thing, do you, even if they do chatter? If I wa

says he, st

I. "What's the fun of

is knee. "That listens sensible to me. Bl

airs and wants to know what on earth I've be

' him some wise dope on how to

what I've made up my mind to do some day this week?

re some little Polar

nner and drove over there. I expect we were about the first outsiders to push the

party!" says she. "Listen! T

I. "Sounds li

Garvey just strugglin' into his dinner coat. He seems glad to see us, mighty glad. Says so. Tows us right into t

ve been so long getting over," says she. "And we came near not coming in this time.

each other sort of f

"Nothing of the sort. Perh

n Garvey, "let's not l

she. "If you will let everybody know. I suppose it's bound to get out sooner or later, anyhow." And with th

I, doin' th

terious!" says Vee. "

says I. "What y

tural, that's

rs. Garvey. "Is tha

it break o

arvey, "he's making a fool of h

ys I, grinni

gin' out from under a daven

it the rest of the ridiculou

trap outfit-base drum with cymbals, worked by a foot pedal, xylophone block

a leader and Sophie Tucker to screech

fascinating?" says Vee

Why, out in Kansas City I remember that the man who played the traps in our Cou

to buy one. I couldn't have found time to play it anyway. And in Kansas City I was too busy trying to be a good sport. Here I've got more time than I know what to do with. More money, t

e for us, Mr. Garvey. Couldn't I come in on t

they did some one-step pieces with lots of pep in 'em, and the way Garvey could roll the sticks, and tinkle the triangle, and keep the cym

azz artist, I'

fraid," says Mrs. Garvey. "Th

. "I'm going to do as I please from n

front door and eat in the kitchen,

k Vee wouldn't she do some piano playin' for him between the acts and durin' parts of the performance. He'd hoped to have a violinist,

ainly!" sa

n afterwards he was introduced all round, patted on the back by the men, and taffied up by the ladies. Even Mrs. Timothy

r us at our next Country Club dinner dance after the fool musicians quit. Will you,

hings had turned out than Vee. "There, Torchy!" says she

vin' her the side clinch. "Look