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The Newcomes

The Newcomes

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Chapter 1 The Overture-After which the Curtain rises upon a Drinking Chorus

Word Count: 5188    |    Released on: 06/12/2017

rge eyes were goggling out of his head in a manner which appeared quite ridiculous to the old blackamoor, who watched the splay-footed slimy wretch with that peculia

that the very lambs did not know Master Wolf; nay, one of them, whose dam the wolf had just eaten, after which he h

burst with envy, and croaking abuse at the ox. "How absurd those lambs are! Yonder silly little knock-kneed baah-ling does not know the old wolf dressed in the sheep's fleece. He is

, Master Fox," says she, "I cannot see you, but I smell you! I

ip is fond of mi

"and I have read that they are very

every cur of them off the fac

frogs," continued the owl. "Aha, my friend Crapaud! are you the

English eat beef," croaked out the frog

"I have heard that the Eng

row to pick?" adds the polite rogue, with a bow to the old crow who was perched above them with the cheese in h

as the companion of Pallas Minerva: I am freq

eal of scholarship, Mrs. Owl. I know a thing or two myself; but am, I confess it, no sc

the owl, with a sneer on her venerable

hering the cocks and hen

read; that board nailed over my he

it say?" sa

he owl; and, giving a yawn, went back to sl

r to these benighted old big-wigs of owls, who blink in the darkness, and call their hooting singing. How noble it is to hear a chorus of crows! There are twenty-four brethren of the Order of St. Corvinus, who have builded themse

that he would have burst, only that is impossible, from sheer envy; the little lambkin was lying unsuspiciously at the side of the wolf in fleecy hosiery, who did not as yet molest her, being

got!" bleated out the lamb

to see you w

e teeth yo

bette

started with terror. It was from a donkey, who had somehow got a lion's skin, a

the frog who had been abusing him. When the crow saw the people with guns coming, he instantly dropped the cheese out of his mouth, and took to wing. When the fox saw the cheese drop, he immediately made a jump at it (for he knew the donkey's voice, and that his asinine bray was not a

cted and shot by one of the men. The blind old owl, whirring out of the hollow tree, quite amazed at the disturbance, flounced into the face of a ploughboy, who knocked her down with a pitchfork.

m just and wise, modest, learned, and religious, so surely I have read something very like this stuff and nonsense about jackasses and foxes before. That wolf in sheep's clothing?-do I not know him? That fox d

rsty hypocrite, wearing the garb of innocence; the ass in the lion's skin a quack trying to terrify, by assuming the appearance of a forest monarch (does the writer, writhing under merited castigation, mean to sneer at critics in this character? We laugh at the impertinent comparison)

virtuous clothing; lovers and their trials, their blindness, their folly and constancy. With the very first page of the human story do not love and lies too begin? So the tales were told ages before Aesop; and asses under lions' manes roared in Hebrew; and sly foxes flattered in Etruscan; and wolves in sheep's clothing gnashed their teeth in Sanskrit, no doubt. The sun shines to-day as he did when he first began shining; and the birds in the tree overhead, while I am writing, sing very much the same note they have

st folks, let us hope, come by their own; in which there will be black crape and white favours; in which there will be tears under orange-flower wreaths, and jokes in mourning-coaches; in which there will be dinners of herbs with contentment and without, and banquets of stalled oxen where there is care and hatred-ay, and kindness and friendship too, along with the feast. It does not follow that all men are honest because they are poor; and I have known some who were friendly and generous, although they had plenty of money. There are some great lan

ore beautiful than those of the present time; and the houris of the theatres especially so ravishing and angelic, that to see them was to set the heart in motion, and to see them again was to struggle for half an hour previously at the door of the pit; when tailors called at a man's lodgings to dazzle him with cards of fancy waistcoats; when it seemed necessary to purchase a grand silver dressing-case, so as to be ready for the beard which was not yet born (as yearling brides provide lace caps, and work rich clothes, for the expected darling); when to ride in the Park on a ten-shilling hack seemed to be the height of fashionable enjoyment, and to splash your college tutor as you were driving down Regent Street in a hired cab the triumph of

most cheerful and brilliant of operas, and laughed enthusiastically at the farce, we became naturally hungry at twelve o'clock at night, and a desire fo

meeting. We knew the three admirable glee-singers, and many a time they partook of brandy-and-water at our expense. One of us gave his call dinner at Hoskins's, an

any more!)-the song and the cup, in a word, passed round merrily; and, I daresay, the songs and bumpers were encored. It happened that there was a very small attendance at the "Cave" that n

idently a stranger to the place. At least he had not visited it for a long time. He was pointing out changes to a lad who was

the table, bounded across the room, ran to me with hi

six years, grown a fine tall young stripling now, with the same b

ce brings you

here,-Mr. Sheridan, Captain Morris, Colonel Hanger, Professor Porson. I told him your name, and that you used to be very kind to me when

, as it were, obliged to bow; the glee-singers murmured among themselves (their eyes rolling over their glasses towards one another as they sucked brandy-and water), and that mischievous little wag, little Nadab the Improvisatore (who had just come in), began to mimic him, feeling his imaginary whiskers

y I blushed, for I had been comparing him to the admirable Harl

laughter shrank away ashamed, and gave place to a feeling much more respectful and friendly. In youth, y

me to sit down by you? and may I beg you to try my cheroots?" We were friends in a minute-young Newcome snuggling by

. "Are there any celebrated persons in the room? I have been five-

and pointing out a halfdozen of people in the room, as R. and H. and L., etc., the most celebrate

ch since), and, writing on his card to Hoskins, hinted to him that a boy was in the room, and

es of Harmony" now, I warrant Messieurs the landlords, their interests would be better consulted by keeping their singers within bounds. The very greatest scamps like pretty songs, and are melted by them;

I fell asleep; but this, by George, is as fine as Incledon!" He became quite excited over his sherry-and-water-("I'm sorry to see you, gentlemen, drinking brandy-pawnee," says he; "it plays the deuce with our young men in India.") He joined in all the choruses with an exceedingly sweet voice. He laughed at "The Derby Ram" so that it did you good to h

, and had rhymes pat about all the principal persons in the room: King's pins (which he wore very splendid), Martin's red waistcoat, etc. The Colonel was char

I see-And while

agree with me-He

s laughing free-A y

agree with me-That

derol

hy should we? Why shouldn't my boy have innocent pleasure? I was allowed none when I was a young chap, and the severity was nearly the ruin of me. I must go and speak with that young man-the most astonishing thing I ever heard in my life. What's his name? Mr. Nadab? Mr. Nada

ollar, "and perhaps the day will come when the world will do me

send them all over India. Put me down for six copies, and do

the room applauded vociferously; whilst methought poor Clive Newcome hung down his head, and blushed as red as a peony. I felt for the young lad, a

d, and delivered Molly's gentle appeal so pathetically that even the professional gentlemen hummed and buzzed-a sincere applause; and some wags who were inclined to jeer at the beginning of the performance, clinked their glasses and rapped their sticks with quite a respectful enthusiasm. When the song was over, Clive held up his head too; after the shock of the first verse, looked

o be much obliged to you: I drink your 'ealth and song, sir;" and he bowed to the Colonel politely over his glass of brandy-and-water, of which he absorbed a little in his customer's honour. "I have not heard that song," he

ears ago; and I used to be flogged afterwards, and serve me right too. Lord! Lord! how the time passes!" He drank off his sherry-and-water, and fell back in his chair; we could see he was t

ry frock-coat and duck trousers of dubious hue, with whose name and person some of my readers are perhaps al

and had taken his place near the writer, his old acquaintance. He warbled the refrain of the Colonel's song, not inharmoniously; and saluted its pathetic conc

his neighbour the Colonel; "was a Captain in the army. We call hi

the Captain, "and I'

he poor old man, settling his face into a horrid grin, and leering, as he w

epertoire, fired off a tipsy howl by way of overture, and away he went. At the end of the second verse the Colonel started u

!" he ro

wags at a farther table. "Go

or children at home, say 'Go on' to such disgusting ribaldry as this? Do you dare, sir, to call yourself a gentleman, and to say that you ho

ys here, old boy?" cries a

ome to your bed, you hoary old sinner! And for my part, I'm not sorry that my son should see, for once in his life, to what shame and degradation and dishonour, drunkenness and whisky may bring a man. Never mind the change, sir!-Curse the change!" says the Co

but I fear the rest of the com

rinity; and Jones gave a shrug of his shoulders, which were smarting, perhaps; for that

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1 Chapter 1 The Overture-After which the Curtain rises upon a Drinking Chorus2 Chapter 2 Colonel Newcome's Wild Oats3 Chapter 3 Colonel Newcome's Letter-box4 Chapter 4 In which the Author and the Hero resume their Acquaintance5 Chapter 5 Clive's Uncles6 Chapter 6 Newcome Brothers7 Chapter 7 In which Mr. Clive's School-days are over8 Chapter 8 Mrs. Newcome at Home (a Small Early Party)9 Chapter 9 Miss Honeyman's10 Chapter 10 Ethel and her Relations11 Chapter 11 At Mrs. Ridley's12 Chapter 12 In which everybody is asked to Dinner13 Chapter 13 In which Thomas Newcome sings his Last Song14 Chapter 14 Park Lane15 Chapter 15 The Old Ladies16 Chapter 16 In which Mr. Sherrick lets his House in Fitzroy Square17 Chapter 17 A School of Art18 Chapter 18 New Companions19 Chapter 19 The Colonel at Home20 Chapter 20 Contains more Particulars of the Colonel and his Brethren21 Chapter 21 Is Sentimental, but Short22 Chapter 22 Describes a Visit to Paris; with Accidents and Incidents23 Chapter 23 In which we hear a Soprano and a Contralto24 Chapter 24 In which the Newcome Brothers once more meet together in25 Chapter 25 Is passed in a Public-house26 Chapter 26 In which Colonel Newcome's Horses are sold27 Chapter 27 Youth and Sunshine28 Chapter 28 In which Clive begins to see the World29 Chapter 29 In which Barnes comes a-wooing30 Chapter 30 A Retreat31 Chapter 31 Madame la Duchesse32 Chapter 32 Barnes's Courtship33 Chapter 33 Lady Kew at the Congress34 Chapter 34 The End of the Congress of Baden35 Chapter 35 Across the Alps36 Chapter 36 In which M. de Florac is promoted37 Chapter 37 Return to Lord Kew38 Chapter 38 In which Lady Kew leaves his Lordship quite convalescent39 Chapter 39 Amongst the Painters40 Chapter 40 Returns from Rome to Pall Mall41 Chapter 41 An Old Story42 Chapter 42 Injured Innocence43 Chapter 43 Returns to some Old Friends44 Chapter 44 In which Mr. Charles Honeyman appears in an Amiable Light45 Chapter 45 A Stag of Ten46 Chapter 46 The Hotel de Florac47 Chapter 47 Contains two or three Acts of a Little Comedy48 Chapter 48 In which Benedick is a Married Man49 Chapter 49 Contains at least six more Courses and two Desserts50 Chapter 50 Clive in New Quarters51 Chapter 51 An Old Friend52 Chapter 52 Family Secrets53 Chapter 53 In which Kinsmen fall out54 Chapter 54 Has a Tragical Ending55 Chapter 55 Barnes's Skeleton Closet56 Chapter 56 Rosa quo locorum sera moratur57 Chapter 57 Rosebury and Newcome58 Chapter 58 "One more Unfortunate"59 Chapter 59 In which Achilles loses Briseis60 Chapter 60 In which we write to the Colonel61 Chapter 61 In which we are introduced to a New Newcome62 Chapter 62 Mr. and Mrs. Clive Newcome63 Chapter 63 Mrs. Clive at Home64 Chapter 64 Absit Omen65 Chapter 65 In which Mrs. Clive comes into her Fortune66 Chapter 66 In which the Colonel and the Newcome Athenaeum are both lectured67 Chapter 67 Newcome and Liberty68 Chapter 68 A Letter and a Reconciliation69 Chapter 69 The Election70 Chapter 70 Chiltern Hundreds71 Chapter 71 In which Mrs. Clive Newcome's Carriage is ordered72 Chapter 72 Belisarius73 Chapter 73 In which Belisarius returns from Exile74 Chapter 74 In which Clive begins the World75 Chapter 75 Founder's Day at the Grey Friars76 Chapter 76 Christmas at Rosebury77 Chapter 77 The Shortest and Happiest in the Whole History78 Chapter 78 In which the Author goes on a Pleasant Errand79 Chapter 79 In which Old Friends come together80 Chapter 80 In which the Colonel says "Adsum" when his Name is called