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Youth

VIII The Second Confession

Word Count: 1053    |    Released on: 10/11/2017

. “What can I do for you?”I besought him to give me his blessing, and then kissed his small, wizened hand with great fervour. After I had explained to him

ou know what I went there for?” I added, changing my seat to the well of the drozhki, so as to be nearer the driver.“What business is it of mine? I drive a fare where he tells me to go,” he replied.“Yes, but, all the same, what do you think I went there for?” I persisted.“I expect some one you know is going to be buried there, so you went to see about a plot for the grave.”“No, no, my friend. Still, DO you know what I went there for?”“No, of course I cannot tell, barin,” he repeated.His voice seemed to me so kind that I decided to edify him by relating the cause of my expedition, and even telling him of the feeling which I had experienced.“Shall I tell you?” I said. “Well, you see,”— and I told him all, as well as inflicted upon him a description of my fine sentiments. To this day I blush at the recollection.“Well, well!” said the cabman non-committally, and for a long while afterwards he remained silent and motionless, except that at intervals he adjusted the skirt of his coat each time that it was jerked from beneath his leg by the joltings of his huge boot on the drozhki’s step. I felt sure that he must be thinking of me even as the priest had done. That is to say, that he must be thinking that no such fine-spirited young man existed in the world as I. Suddenly he shot at me:“I tell you what, barin. You ought to keep God’s affairs to yourself.”“What?” I said.“Those affairs of yours — they are God’s business,” he repeated, mumbling the words with his toothless lips.“No, he has not understood

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Youth
Youth
“I have said that my friendship with Dimitri opened up for me a new view of my life and of its aim and relations. The essence of that view lay in the conviction that the destiny of man is to strive for moral improvement, and that such improvement is at once easy, possible, and lasting. Hitherto, however, I had found pleasure only in the new ideas which I discovered to arise from that conviction, and in the forming of brilliant plans for a moral, active future, while all the time my life had been continuing along its old petty, muddled, pleasure-seeking course, and the same virtuous thoughts which I and my adored friend Dimitri (“my own marvellous Mitia,” as I used to call him to myself in a whisper) had been wont to exchange with one another still pleased my intellect, but left my sensibility untouched.”