Our Mr. Wrenn The Romantic Adventures of a Gentle Man

t go to the Nickelorion for moving pictures; not after having been cut by the ticket-taker. Then, there before him was the glaring sign of the Nickelorion tempting him; a bill with "Great Train Ro

kept his head turned. It turned back of itself; he stared full at the man, half bowed-and received a hearty absent-minded nod and a "Fine evenin'." He sang to himself a mon

ow gallantly the train dashed toward the robbers, to the spirit-stirring roll of the snare-drum. The rush from the bushes followed; the battle with detectives concealed in the express-car. Mr. Wrenn was standing sturdily

r a highly commonplace sack-coat without brass buttons. In his astonishment at seeing how a Hig

a-quite a picture

n't

pe my hat? Ain't he the cut-up, mister! Ain't both them ushers the jingling sheepsheads, though! Being cute and hiding my hat in the box-office. Picture? I don't get no chance to see any of 'em. Funny, ain't it?-m

he sales clerk's heart bounded in comra

night and you-well, honestly, y

Sure, I couldn't 've seen you. Me, I was probably that busy with fambly cares-I was probably thinking who w

ly considered biting his wife. He knew! His nod and grin a

u didn't intend to h

on over to Moje's and

at this person wanted of him; but they crossed to the adjacent saloon, a New York corner saloon, which of course "glittered" w

id the b

said the Bra

ough he had become-he was in danger of exposure as a mollycoddle who couldn't choose

on the booze. The old woman she says to me, `Mory,' she says, `if you was in heaven and there was a pail of beer on one side and

bartender. "She had y

-type," declared

he harp and pawn it for ten growlers o

ee!" grinne

" grumbled t

pants around the flat, if she don't have me to chase, pretty soon. Guess

ting residence. He was much nearer to heaven than West Sixteenth Street appears to be to the outsider. For he was an explorer of the Arctic, a trusted man on the job, an associate

andlady stood on the bottom step of the hall

kept awake all night. Ah suppose it's the will of the Lord that whenever Ah go out to see Mrs. Muzzy and just drink a drop of coffee Ah m

behind Mrs. Zapp'

happened to me. That's why I was out celebrating last evening and

oticed you was out

left me some land, and it's been s

like to take that hall room beside yours now. The two rooms'd make

uilty, and was profusely cordial to Lee Theresa Zapp,

nd a handsome disdainful discontented face. She waited till he had

getting just about tired of having a bunch of Jews

ars, and he's going to take that upper hall room." Mrs.

her-for the first time. "Waste his travel-m

had some one in tha

oing to be perm'nent. And he

s. Zapp, but I'm afr

y go travelin

p your room if yo

le yet; and of course I'll be glad to come-I'll want to come back here when I get back t

into hysterics. "And here Ah've gone and had your room fixed up just for you, and new paper put in, and you've a

years. That famous new paper had been put up two years before.

with empty rooms, with the landlord after the rent, and me turning away people that 'd pay more for the room,

it out, Ma, will you!" She had been staring at the worm, for he had suddenly become interesting and adorable and, incidentally,

o mah own flesh and blood i

f stays, but her instinct for unpleasantness was always good. She said n

him. But Theresa laughed, and remarked: "You don't want

cap of false curls, with many prods of her large firm hands which flashed with Brazilian diamonds. Though he had heard the word "puffs," he did not k

er, Miss Zapp. I didn't know it myself, but it does seem lik

ys been awful nice, far as I can see." She smiled lavishly. "I went for a walk to-night.... I w

o be the right comment, so he shook his

nian restaurant you

believe I'll go dine th

"Yes, it is

about it, after all, he was a little fool, There

It is a n

lady go

, ye

es

hink so," h

hey do have anything I like they keep on having the same thing every day till I throw it in the sink. I wish I could go to a restaurant once in a w

heresa could be persuaded to go out t

me take you up there so

a'? Well, I suppose you just don't want to be f

to hurt your feelin

you'd think I was

eresa,'

When would you like to go? You know I've always got lots of d

ll I call for you

good boy. Good night." She de

to the Nickelorion,

t he was "feeling pr

was agreeable because of his new wealth, but reproved the fiend who was making the suggestion; for had he not heard her mention with great scorn a second cousin who had married an old Yankee f

. Consequently it has no bad music and no crowd of persons from Missouri whose women risk salvation for an evening by smoking cigarettes.

y by remarking that she "always did like pahklava"? Mr. Wrenn did not see that she was glancing about discontentedly, for he was delightedly listening to a lanky young man at the next table who was remarking to his vis-a-vis, a pale slithey lady in black, with the lines of a torpedo-boat: "Try some of the stuffed vine-leaves, child of the a

ks like a bar of soap-tell me what there is on thi

insisted Mr. Wrenn.... "I'm sur

ven't they any-oh, I thought they'd have stuff t

ghts' is cigar

in a story in a magazine. And they were eating i

roasted on skewers. I

ok my meat. I'll take some eggs and some of that

With honey. And do try some o

said Theres

till "funny and sort of scary," not like the overpowering Southern gentlemen she supposed she remembered. Also, she was hungry.

he called himself Turkish and married a renegade Armenian. He had a nose like a sickle and a neck like a blue-gum nigger. He hoped that the place would degenerate into a Bohemian restaurant where liberal clergym

a lot of times. Ain't he great! Golly! look at that beak of his. Don't he ma

collar.... That wai

o kind and pour me an

n. She had two cups of cocoa and felt fat about the eyes and affectionat

n to `The Gol

n't go to the

n fooled one of those terrible little jay towns. Shows all the funny people, you know, like they have in jay

could. Let's go-this evening!" He

I didn't tell Ma I

would be all right

ht up and get

mmediately corrected that error by yawning, "I d

al times as she remarked that the superintendent "ought to be boiled alive-that's what all lobsters ought to be," so she repeated the epigram with such increased jollity that they swung up to the theater

k romance of money-making. The swindlers were supermen-blonde beasts with card indices and options instead of clubs. Not that Mr. Wrenn made any observations regarding su

-h-h!" sa

roof of the social value of being a live American business man. A

million dollars." Masterfully, he proposed, "Say

rig

afford Rector's, after that play; b

rabbits and beer quite as though he usually breakfasted on them. He may even have strutted a little as he hail

to think of Theresa's hair and hand-clasp; of polished desks and florid gentlemen who curtly summoned ba

eat Traveling of hi

ine

njurious fiend, Some One Else. That Our Mr. Wrenn should dream for dreaming's sake was catastrophic; he might do things because he wanted to, not because they were fashionable; whereupon, police forces and the clergy would disband, Wall Street and Fifth Avenue would go thundering down. Hence, for him were provided those Y. M. C. A. night bookkeeping classes admin

ut when he saw Big Business glorified by a humorous melodrama, then The Job ap

any. But that was a complete misunderstanding of the case. The manager of the Souvenir Company was Mr. Mortimer R. Guilfogle, and he called

n the office, which proved that he knew better. Worst of all, the Guilfogle family eggs had not been scrambled right at b

eary, and not so i

? A club or a reading-room for hoboes? Ever occur to you we'd like to have you favor us with a call

cushion on the manager's desk. Mr. Wrenn

h think I'm talking to

tubborn. "I cou

inking, Wrenn; you're thinking that because I've let you have a lot of chances to rea

lfogle; honest,

just let me tell you, Wrenn, right here and now, that if you can't condescend to spare us

and never believed;

just

t me. I've just inherited a big wad of

e knows. The manager was so worried at the thought of breaking in a new man that his eye-g

I was joking about firing you. You ought to know that, after the talk we had at Mouquin's t

the dogged sol

urt and astonished v

Guil

June. That's plenty of not

up to the Brass-button Man at his st

e from Irelan

ink? Me-oh no; I'm a C

t, tell me. I've got

that? Ain't it great

to ask you was, what

nd to

course. I was

pe, Mr. Wrenn joyously added the new point of inte

looking at the stars

unarder bulking up at

to chuckle over a

window of a Greek

s, all these were hi

as f

ith trainboards at the Grand Central. Then she went to bed, and, though he knew it not, that princ

nager's god-like desk

lfogle. Leaving t

ou, you know-about ho

er of startled examination; tapped his desk-blotter with his knuckles; then raised his eyes. He studied Mr. Wrenn, smiled, put on the look he used when inviting him out for a drink. Mr. Guilfogle was essentially an honest fellow, harshened by T

leave a good job. But, after all, that's your business, not ours. We like you, and when you get tired of being just a bum, why, come back; w

do. I think I'll get away real soon now.... Thank you awfully, Mr. Guilfogle, for keepi

about leaving us, after all, now that the ca

ttle blue-been here so long. But it'

's going to break even. But-Well, good-by, old man, and don't forget us. Drop me a line now and then and let me know how you're getting along. Oh say, if you happen to see

mproved arrangement of the wire baskets and clips and desk reminders, so he cleaned a pen, blew some gr

no matter how much he wanted to.... How good the manager had been

hadn't never got better acquainted with them, but it was too late now. Anywa

em in the corridor,

Rabin, the traveling

earing a box of hand

crimson-pa

ure of showing by this small token of our esteem our 'preciation of your untiring

u something to show we're-uh-mighty sorry you're going. We thought of a box of cigars, but you

box of handkerchiefs with the resplendent r

t and restless in the legs and enormously depressed in the soul. He would have got up had there been anything to get up for. There was nothing, yet he felt uneasily gu

e remarked with frequency, "I'm scared as teacher's pet playing hookey for the first time, like what we used to do in Parthenon." All proper persons were at work of a week-day afternoon. What, t

here to go. He had planned so many trips these years that now he couldn't keep any one of them finally decided on for more than an hour. It rather stretche

that he begrudged money for that Traveling itself. Indeed, he planned to spend not more than $300 of the $1

Calcutta, then in raiment and a monocle at the Athenaeum." He would learn some Kiplingy trade that would teach him the use of aston

ures of an aeroplane flight in Algiers. He had to get away from Zappism. He had to be out on the iron se

ghaied. But no matter how wistfully, no matter how late at night he timorously forced himself to loiter among unwashed Engl

s as a perfect occupation. But it concealed no exciting little surprises when he could be a Sunday loafer on any plain Monday. Fur

Wrenn. But Our Mr. Wrenn pursued him along the wharves, where the sun glared on oily water. He had seen the wharves

when the inevitable large-eyed black-braided Indian maiden met the canonical cow-puncher he threshed about in his seat, was irritated by the nervous click of the

ld hide from t

sket. For on his bed was Mrs. Zapp, her rotund curves stretching behind her large flat feet, whose soles were toward h

ad minutely a placard advertising an excursion to the Catskills, to start that evening. For an exhilarated moment he resolved to go, but-" oh, the

ed the "Help Want

at somehow he might find it economical

e to the gate

ding cattle. Low fee. Easy work. Fast boats. Apply Intern

s Providence has picked