Married Love

ci

and that excellent dual love of man and wife must be fed

and the adventure which his forefathers found in their virgin forests. This craving, transmuted, changed out of recog

t romantic and devoted husband. If to the sincere and friendly question: "What is most difficult in married life fo

urface of their happiness, yet the longing to be roving is not completely extinguished. In the true lover this unspoken, unconscious longing is perhaps less a desire to set out upon a fresh journey than a longing to experience again the exqui

coming together of man and wife, even if they have been mated for many years

at complete sense of romance which alone can render it utterly delightful, if the woman h

ves of the great mass of middle-class people the Victorian tradition still too largel

s was the sense of romantic joy in one another that they

t bodily separation (which must always entail expense) or any measure of freedom not at everyone's command, much c

ual freedom is often rendered im

eadening features in many marriages. In the endeavour to attain the ideal unity, one or other partner consciously or unco

o means extinct. In his less exaggerated form such a man may often be an idealist, but he is essentially an idealist of narrow vision. The peace, the unity, for which

er to which she had been accustomed for years before her marriage, saying that one newspaper was enough for them both, and blandly ignoring the fact that he took it with him out of the house before she had an opportunity of reading it. Th

fe for both partners, there is very frequently a bickering, a sense of disharmony and unrest tha

their own opinions without each endeavouring to convert or coerce the other, and at the same time t

eauty and dignity in the attitude of a mate who

beautiful and generous heart to do thi

coerces the weaker into hiding those traits which give personality to an individual, the result is an impoveris

before whom the spoils may be exhibited without thought of rivalry, and with the certainty of glad apprisal. Treasures, dear to our own hearts but of no value to oth

man and his work than from the man to the woman. For too long have men been accustomed to look upon woman's views, and in pa

ongratulation when she has anything to say worth his serious attention outside that department of life suppo

partly to the differentiation of many types of individuals due to the specialisation of civilisation, which interests thoughtful individuals, and partly to the transmutation of his old vagran

happy marriage, which touches, as does the mystic in his raptures, a realisation of the whole universe, there cannot lie the whole of life's experience. Ou

e highest levels of society, still lingers in many circles, of inviting the husband and the wife together upon all social occasions. It is true that they are separated at the dinner table, but they are always within the possibility of earshot of each other, which very oft

g streak of sex-jealousy. For either mate to be allowed to go out uncriticised into the world, is to demand, if not more than

y the blight of love, is very apt to sow a distrust in one

kes special forms under different circumstances, and if a nature is predispo

is to be strengthened by coercive bonds. We are slowly growing out of this, and nowadays in most books giving a

hould each be free to go unchallenged by a thought on solitary excursions, or on visits, weekends or walking to

ser natures will always find a method of gratifying their desires, and are not likely to err more in tr

the fullest and most perfect love can develop. In the marriage relation it is supreme

union. For with sensitive spirits-and they are the only ones who know the highest p

hidden by nearness: it needs distance between it and

be less awake than man. This, perhaps, is due to the innumerable generations during whic

hought of something apart from herself crosses her lover's mind. Deirdré and her lover had been together for seven years in an unbroken and idyllic intimacy, and she feels t

x must be conquered, and is bei

than the purely domestic one which was so confining to the women and so dull to the men. Every year one sees a widening of the independence and the range of the pursuits of women: but still, far too oft

e work, nor would know how to use it, is only a sign that we are still l

an's intellectual work, W. Thoma

d at the very top in their university studies and examinations. The trouble with these cases is that they are either swept away and engulfed by the modern

the development of our society, and he advocates a

enerous attitude towards this on the part of the man, would contribut

r, man will find at his side not only a mate, free and st

ith the ideal of closer and more perfect unity between the married pair. But this conflict is only apparent, though it is true that most writers have failed to realise this. Consequently in some sec

mest stability on the part of the married pair, are very apt to ignore the enriching flow of a wide life's experiences. They try to dam up the

ging for a full life-experience and the longing for a close union with a lifelong mate-are not incompatible, but are actually bo

s life, and she writes as though the aspiration to do professional and intellect

m writing of the English, the English of to-day, and though we also have among us that dwarfed and sterilised type of woman, she forms in our community a dwindling

says ("Women a

ulfilment of them, rather the opposite. The more freely the human mother mingles in the natural industries of a human creature, as in the ca

he sex-relation as means of a livelihood, the more pathological does her motherhood become. The over-development of sex caused

young men. For the best type of young man to-day is tired of polygamy; he has seen enough in his father's and friends' lives of the weariness

ly too ignorant (as has been indicated in the preceding chapters) to give his wife all her nature requires. Th

e obviously does not enjoy them," and so he is forced to "go elsewhere." "And they call us pol

tward signs to the contrary; in spite of the fact that so few of them have remained faithful to one woman. But they are ignorant of the sex-laws and traditions, that sex

ot, it is true, to find, or even in the hope of finding, what he would get from a perfect marriage; but often to satisfy in some measure that yearning for fresh experience, for roman

e is unaware of the ever-narrowing range of her interest and her powers of conversation. The home life tends to become that of a fenced pond, instead of a great ocean with innumerable currents. From t

tion, and regarding it they experience an indignation so int

purely physical, and which is often lacking in the wife's relation

e prostitution no less strenuously, they might be in a better position to beg

ut the first step out of it must be the realisation that one is withi

loss of which he deplores, for he feels a lack not only of romance and beauty, but of something higher which is mystically given as the result of the complete union. He blames his wife's "coldness" instead of his own want of art. Then he seeks

ly in this country, but in every country and at every time, have been the in

in the eyes of the law. It is indeed a serious matter, as Jean Finot says, "that, under p

esent generation of young married people is to-day and the future. The future is full of hope

mates will always be the supremest life experience, but

the two who are mates. By mingling the greatness of their individual stature they can achieve together some

lmost possible to say that the community has an actual life on a plane above that of all the individuals composing it: that the community, in fact,

ealth, the happiness, and the consequent powers of every individual, concern not

of the life-blood of the community in children, but by marriage one is also rendered a fitter and more perfect instrument for one's own par

; so that the powers which should be set free and created for the purpose of the whole community should not be fri

and beautiful light; a light not hid under a bushel, but