Novel Notes

with the idea. She said she had often wondered I had never thought of doing so before. "Look," she added, "how silly all the novels are nowadays; I'm sure you could wr

ent on to explain to her that Selkirk Brown and Derrick MacShaughnassy were also going to assist, she replied, "Oh," in a tone which contained

class, she entertains a strong prejudice. A man's not having sense enough to want to marry, or, having that, not having wit enough to do it, argues to her th

rstand the peculiar adva

l working together. The public will thus be enabled to obtain the thoughts and opinions of the whole four of us, at the price usually asked for merely one author'

reed that this

day ideas into it. We are going to crowd into this one novel all the wit and wisdom that the whole four of us possess, if the book will hold it. We shall not write another novel after this one. I

ing inside; and then remarked aloud that s

ng else but make disagreeable observations upon authors and their works-a duty that, so far as I could judge, they seemed capable of performing

into it. (Nobody suggested bringing "half the parish" into it. Ethelbertha will talk so wildly.) To suppose that Brown and MacShaughnassy could be of any use whatever, she considered absurd. What could a couple of raw bachelors k

she and he got on wonderfully well together; and when I returned to the drawing-room, after seeing him down to the ga

than any man I ever came across. Occasionally, it is correct information; but, speaking broadly, it is remarkabl

, but she did not see why she should be told so by the tradespeople.) She was naturally somewhat inexperienced in domestic affairs, and, feeling this keenly, was grateful to any one who would give her useful hints and advice. When MacShaughnassy came along he seemed, in her eyes, a sort of glorif

done in Crim Tartary, or some such place, where the science of laying fires is alone properly understood. He proved to her that an immense saving in time and labour, to say noth

to have any notions of her own whatever. She accepted our ideas without comment, and carried them out with such pedantic precision and such

e MacShaughnassy method of fire-laying was expounded

to lay the fi

have the fires laid like th

with perfect unconcern, and there

there was no breakfast. We waited. Ten minutes went by-a quarter of an hour-twenty minutes.

per time for breakfast is

es

ow that it's n

es

't breakfa

, m

ever be

e of genial frankness, "to tell you t

ason? Won't th

t lights a

y can't you coo

an turn yourself roun

before I understood her peculiarities, to ask her if she knew the time. She replied, "Yes, sir," and disappeared into the back kitchen. At th

y. "I beg your pardon. I thought you ask

turn to our fire-if she ha

tried four times." Then she added cheerf

willing servant we

ow her and watch how she did it. I felt interested in the experiment, and followed also.

hot, dirty, and a trifle irritable. The fireplace retained the sa

d to me that for any human being to light a fire, laid as that fire was laid, would be a feat to be proud of. To light a fire even under ordinary circumstances is not too easy a task: to do s

ng the kitchen carpet and the cat, who would come sniffing abou

and thought of MacShaughnassy, until Amenda chimed in on our despair with one of those pract

better light it in the o

en she added, "I think we'll always have them

made coffee often over there. He dirtied two saucepans, three jugs, one tablecloth, one nutmeg-grater, one hearthrug, thr

to our debased taste-the result of long indulgence in an inferior a

things that he was not an authority upon-this aunt of his knew. "No," he would say with engaging candour-"no, that is a thing I cannot advise you about myself. But," he would add, "I'll tell you what I'll do. I'l

s creaking framework. Frogs, who had lost their way and taken the wrong turning, would suddenly discover themselves in the middle of our dining-room, apparently quite as much to their own surprise and annoyance as to ours. A numerous company of rats and mice, remarkably fond of

st the blackbeetles she was prejudiced. Therefore, when my wife informed her that MacSh

he beetles came and ate it. They seemed to like it. They finished it all

smiled, a very grim smile, and said in a

but it undermined his constitution. Day by day he would sink and droop without being able to tell what was t

. They fetched up all their friends and relations. Strange beetles-beetles from other families, with no claim on us whatever-got to hear about the thing, an

ison steadily for ten days, and he said that the end could not be far off. I was glad to hear it, because I was beginning

seemed queer, and was of opinion that they were breaking up. Speaking for myse

t of trying to make off with an unfairly large portion of the poison,

leek upon it. Some of them, indeed, began to acquire quite a figure. We lessened their numbers eventually by the help of some common oil-shop

of MacShaughnassy's bosom friends has found out her address and

to New York, and, during the day, it suddenly occurred to me that I might make the journey more interesting by leaving the cars at Albany and completing the distance by water. But I did not know how the boats ran, and I had no

ing down opposite to him, "but could you give me any i

ogether. There is the Heggarty line, but they only go as far as Catskill. Then there are t

l now, which would

tood glaring down at me with a gleam in

that's your game, is it? I'll give you something that you'll w

ven more hurt. So I left him without a word, and drifted over to the other e

riend making towards me. I rose and laid my hand upon the door-knob. He should

st now. I should like, if you will let me, to explain. I think, w

the smoking-car. I had a "whiskey sour," and he prescribed for himself a st

nt or talented. But it did seem to me, and the more I noted the doings of my fellow-men and women, the more assured did I become of it, that I possessed plain, practical common sense to an unusual and re

ticipated. Some two or three hundred copies w

I reflected that, if people would not take my advice, it was mor

ing in my study, when the servant entered to say that th

he should be sent up, an

e, and his manner was most respectful. I motioned him to be seat

speaking deliberately, and twirling his hat the while;

hey tell me, sir, as you're the gentleman as wrote t

s slowly, dwelling lovingly

), when you're in doubt don't you get addling that thick head o' yours, as will only tell you all wrong; you go to the gentleman as wrote that little book and ask him for his advice. He is a kind-hearted gentleman, as any one can tell, and he'

w with a green cotton handker

usual favour. His difficulty was to decide which of the two-both of them excellent and deserving young persons-would make him the best wife. The one, Juliana, the only daughter of a retired sea-captain, he described as a winsome lassie. Th

my discretion. That he was wise in so doing, I entertained no doubt. The choice of a wife I had always held to be a matter needing a calm, unbiassed judgment, such as no lover could possib

of each such particulars as I deemed would assist me in estimating their respective fitness for the

said; 'you just stick down "Julia" or "Hannah" on a bit of paper, and put it i

ed me by the h

to the selection of Josiah's

he corners of Juliana's mouth which conjured up the sound of rippling laugh

r man's wife. Hannah's father was a pious man, and was 'doing well'-a thrifty, saving man, no doubt. He would have instilled into her lessons of economy and virtue; and, later on, she might possibly come in for

g language and expressing views, the hearing of which could not but have exercised an injurious effect upon the formation of a growing girl's character. Juliana was his only ch

k character. He would need management. Now, there was somet

was made up. I wrote 'Hannah' on

ut added, incidentally, that he wished I could have made it Julia. However, he said, he

ient to reason upon, had I possessed? How did I know that Hannah was not a lazy, ill-tempered girl, a continual thorn in the side of her poor, overworked mother, and a perpetual blister to her

all I knew to the contrary, might be the model of what a retired sea-captain should be; with possibly a snug little sum safely

rst tidings of Josiah's marriage fell like a cruel stone into the hitherto placid waters of her life. I saw her kneeling by her father's chair, while th

be regarding me with a smile of heartless triumph. There began

stronger it became. I could tell that, as the days went by, it would grow from dislike to loathing, fr

ck I started up, and looked about for a hiding-place. Every time I came across the heading, 'Domestic Tragedy,' in the newspap

tuitive good judgment to return. Maybe, I had done a good thing for Josiah and Hannah, and they were bles

orst fears had fallen short of the truth. I motioned him to follow me to my study. He did so, and seated himself in the identical chair on w

st interview, I making a show of arranging papers on my desk. At length, fee

oing well with you, I'm

ay as they have, altogether. That Hannah o

oach in his tones. He simpl

. 'She has her faults, of course. We all have. But she

od in Hannah, and this was the only

ed. 'A little too much so for ou

rnery in her temper, Hannah is; and the

aimed, 'but what's sh

red, 'she's living with us now-

ather! Is he

h ago with one of the young women who used to teach in the Sunday Sch

s,' I inquired-'the timber b

that had to be sold to pay his de

for his family. I supposed the home was

, 'they ain't scattered much.

hing to do with you sir. You've got troubles of your own, I daresay, sir. I didn't com

. I did not feel I wanted to questio

friend of mine now, young Sam Jessop. I slips out and gives 'em a call now and then, when Hannah ain't round. Lord, it's like getting a glimpse of heaven to look into their little home. He

, I've often thought since, sir, how jolly it would have

any cost. I said, 'I suppose you and your

an call it living. It's a har

not been for the help of Julia's father. He said the captain

' he explained. 'Not the man as one would go to for advice, l

'of what I've come here about. You'll t

r my advice, and I gave it you. Which of us was the bigger idiot, we will not discuss. The point is that I did giv

u would not refuse me. I said so to Hannah. I said, "I will go to that

d, 'Hi

y surprised at my tone, 'on a little matt

again, and he spun me reasons why I should give it him. The choice of a wife was a different thing altogether, he argued. Perhaps he ought not to have asked me for my opinion as to that. But advice as to which of two trades a man would do best to select, surely any business man could give. He said he had just been reading ag

ssed business man, must be able to form a sounder judgment than this poor pumpkin-headed lamb. It would

would not try to thank me; words would only

inesses on the spot. I instituted secret but searching inquiries in the neighbourhood. I disguised myself as a simple-minded young man who had come into a little money, and wormed myself into the confidence of the servants. I interviewed half the town upon the pretence that I was writing the commercial history of New England, and

sses themselves were concerned, there was not a pin to choose between them. It

bly end by giving way to drink. Now, Josiah was an exceptionally weak-minded man. It had also to be borne in mind that he had a shrewish wife,

relatives might be used up in a laundry, and made to earn their own living. Hannah might expend her energy in flat-ironi

the marvellous rise taking place all over New England in the value of hotel and bar property. On Thursday, in the list of failures, I came across no less than four laundry proprietor

use of his domestic misery, I had now deprived him of the means of earning a livelihood, and had rendered useless the generosity of that

eard nothing from or of him, an

of about five yea

was a dark night, but a gas-lamp showed me his face. I recognised it in spite of the red blotches and the

ssed, 'and tell m

for the third time, I should do something terrible to both. I snatched it away from him, and he sat down heavil

cular one which I had rejected for the laundry-had formerly stood was now the commercial centre of the city. The man who had purchased it in place of Josiah had sold out and made a fortune. The southern area (w

ife-had fallen into the copper and been boiled. Hannah's mother had been crushed in

radation keenly, and wept copiously. He said he thought that in a cheerful place, such as a bar, he might have been strong

e captain was no more. That, he added, reminded him of what he had come about. The good-hearted

I restrained myself, however, and offered him the alternative of being

Terra del Fuego Nitrate Company, Limited, or in the Union Pacific Bank. Life had no further interest for him. All he c

ing whatever on the subject. He assumed from my answer that I did not think much of nitrates,

all means to do

d said he thought he understood what I meant. It was very kind of me. He s

him (which was the same thing), to invest in, would, sooner or later, come to smash. My grandmother had all her little fortune in the Terra del Fuego Nitrate Company. I could not see her brought

ncial world stood bewildered. It had always been reckoned one of the safest banks in th

e hand of fate was upon it. At the end

nds. My grandmother died worth a million dollars, and left the whole of it to a char

rived on my doorstep; and, this time, he brought his

had laid waste alike their happiness and their prospects in life. The least amends I co

of existence; and my conscience is growing easier by noticing that they seem contented wi

tand my sudden emotion when you asked for my advice. As a

*

and said he should remember it. He said he should remember it so as to tell it