rience taught me thr
as were in
in front of twenty people
I still wan
iation had no eff
encounter with a real camera, even if my brain had abandoned me a
at was what
o do the role
my body had
ed I was ready for my
asn
has never req
ee hours ge
e ho
at would probably
my outfit
ca
fo
colo
bo
other made me look like I was attending a business meeting, and the third made me won
nt of the mirror wearing t
ed at
have just
ooked up fr
u that two
o discover
ook he
cour
I had prepared everything I thought I might need, including th
ence was justified
toward
do I
e going to
row
t very enc
accu
mil
me l
h you
e th
laug
ore she could sa
on was already crow
cro
e girls e
th friends, touching up their makeup, or reading through pages of dial
as practic
her for
completely
sked if sh
zed she was
O
I had spent the entire morning convincing myself I was ready, and now I was su
aware of every litt
itting
outfi
look n
oking nervous, which probably
der
ter, another gir
ooked
ked a
sm
t aud
odd
ou
N
si
oo
row
s that
ou still h
aug
sn't j
respond, someon
irl s
me l
d lu
lked i
s later, sh
ked dev
ed tow
did i
sked me
ka
ould
ka
laug
red a
tared
th burst o
think you're
ay
st
d lu
ank
. Perhaps I would cry. Perhaps I would laugh. Perhaps I would do something so emba
ot to think
, my brain ha
e was
mach f
st
k
was
yself that I had dreamed of moments like this for years.
e nervo
description of what w
d into
le sat beh
tood in fr
ed down at h
am
a Rus
ge
nsw
erie
aus
om
ing beside h
om
odd
es
t ki
ght ab
xperi
le
ly regrette
d I sa
that ev
e my words, and put them back into my m
an look
smiled
ka
the floor
did
universe wante
perform t
es
sition in front
e was em
that the man she lov
mp
ched enou
xactly w
, I thou
toward th
k a b
ned hea
ined b
mag
th
nt complet
ai
ting lines was bec
one second at a time. I knew the scene. I had read it.
ughts disappeared as though somebody had
rector
red a
ared
d at th
era sta
assumed it
n't ha
felt ju
ed this opportunity so badly, and now I was standing in front of three people
e another forgettable n
the line
ivere
ano
ano
some
rough th
tter, moments when I wasn't entirely sure what my face was doing, and moments whe
I fin
nobody spoke fo
there aw
looked a
ooked at
e looke
nk y
odd
nk y
lked
oor closed behin
surv
as som
sonably well. Not brilliantly, perhaps,
er was
did i
s ama
sed an
all
N
laug
got my
cour
recov
t's
probably
sm
oba
to that po
lling me that I had been selected, that the director had seen something speci
d how I w
I sc
d I
e calm before immedi
n't d
plenty of time to c
didn'
that
he ne
day af
ek p
th
we
l no
e we
le
, I receiv
d it ex
d the firs
for audi
ped re
eady
ect
ng for the words to change in
did
oked at m
el
igh
de a terrib
sm
you'd sa
have been
got your
kno
dramatically
y doesn't rec
're simply no
ted m
there
no
ented and still
t qu
was
ingly
ing it was
aming was
ally had to
d to go. I could love acting with everything in me and still have a lot to learn. I could be confid
ean I had to
t I had
again and looked at
delet
use I wa
wa
t one person's decision
st
ka
er look
y wh
to auditi
sm
oo
I'm not forget
uld be h
toward
sto
ned a
om
es
going to remind everyon
sm
mind the
aug
appeared i
but that rejection wou
would
ould a
make me que
earn something that no ac
asn't the end
time
e scene before t
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