A Maid and a Million Men

uce for

d was complain and not a week passed without a long letter full of nothing but kicks and regrets and weeping words. Even his letters to Vyvy, who was walking around with her head in the cl

uffer from inability to perspire, and during which poor Leon would have fainted dead away if the man next to him hadn't noticed his deathly pallor and pushed him to the one and only

these duds, he couldn't bear to look at himself, because the uniform billowed about him like the costume of a Turkish dancer with the sleeves of the blouse inches too short and the neckband two

ie, so make up yer mind to it and don't bother me again with any damfool complaints about it. I ain't runnin' this war!" And he smiled sourly as if he had conferred a favor on the cringing recruit. Everyone else in the barracks laughed with the sergeant, as common soldiers naturally would do until the sergeant's

ain exceedingly unpleasant operations upon his feet, and when he noticed the look of anguish on Leon's face, he said, "I've walked so damn far in my time, buddy, that I got some kind o' trench foot. I get a n

never turned in until last call and the sergeant would have blasted Leon's soul to seven vari-colored hells if he weren't in his blankets when the lights went out. "It's a ter

to-day, and seein' the drillin' wears ya out so, I guess you'd better take to-day off and report over there. Ya see, we try to make everything as easy as possible fer everybody and also we try to teach every man somethin' worth while so that when ya

and scrub the concrete, pick up dirty discarded towels and other unclean things, distribute soap and collect slimy cakes, and watch the conglomerate mass of male humanity perform its ablutions amid a veritable barrage of dirty language and foul wit.... He was glad to b

nd peeled and peeled until he felt certain there couldn't be any more potatoes in the country-but the next morning there was a brand-new batch even larger than the one he had done. His fingers got so numb that he couldn't feel the thousand and one cuts and scratches, and his

e water clean and washing out the serving pans. After looking at the refuse in some thousands of mess kits three times a day, he wa

ess but more nauseating work, emptying huge G.I. cans of vari-odored swill, cleaning the cans, and then riding to the disposal plant on the cargo, where the wagon had to be swept and washed with infinite care against possible inspections. He

broom and disinfectant can. Nor could he see anything humorous in the song which the other members of the detail persisted in singing to cheer them at their tasks, for it was a very dirty ditty, an ode to Latrina, the patron saint of that particular place. Leon said he knew the wor

rse befall him when an opportunity to escape presented itself. The sergeant called for volunteers who could "parley-voo frog," and Leon couldn't report to him

"Pretty soon you'll be tellin' me you invented the laundry ch

," replied Le

rves in this man's army." Whereupon he sallied forth for regimental headquarters, with all who had answered satisfactorily, in tow. Arrived there he reported to a

omparative comfort attending the clerical wants of a Colonel who was farsighted enough to equip himself with a French-speaking clerk before the necessity arose for one. When Lowery heard of the nature of the new j

en pointed out the Colonel who was getting into a car just as we came up, which made it possible for Leon to take us in and show us all about his work. It really wasn't very intrica

more easily get hit. Now Generals hardly ever get up in the lines, so I'm looking around for a convenient General to attach myself to." His idea of unadulterated bliss (if such were possible in the army) was to be dog-robber to General Pershing. And he was so shameless about admitting it! However, I was glad he was making some kind of progr

s mind was filled with gory imaginings and horrible visions of shell-torn bodies, stinking carcasses, burning flesh, blood, muck and god-awful corruption; and at night his dreams contained more gruesome details of his fate than fancies about his Vyvy. Each such night of mental anguish served to spur him on

oke or a shady anecdote. He couldn't possibly see that a little dirt now and then is relished by the best of men. He thought it was all very unnecessary and depressing, almost as bad as the foul

inch. He was scared to death already and although he had to act interested when his Colonel talked about g

invitations and had all her arrangements made-when on the Friday before the day of the affair, a letter came from him carrying the awful news that his outfit had received waiting orders and all leaves had been canceled. What a monkey wrench that was! And I had a note from Jay-Jay saying that he wasn't sure whether or not he could be present but askin

not telling him flatly that night how much I loved him, because then I would have known by his silence that he wasn't interested at all. But this ignorant suspense was bewilderi

oing to certain death, and my efforts were helped considerably that night when a second letter came from Leon, saying that he couldn't possibly get away because "orders are orders in this dam

party all planned for the next night and both of them so eager for this last farewell meeting. It didn't seem reasonable to me that he could be only a hundred miles away and still be unable to spend just one evening in Wakeham with

aps my personal freedom. I would have had the haircut in Wakeham, but I decided that it would be bad luck: if I had it cut, Leon would manage to get a pass of some kind just to make my sacrifice in vain, for that was my luck. Not that I really wanted to carry out my great idea-I just entertained sneaking hopes. And besides I h

his time. I prayed for a sporting chance, for just a "break," and I was in such excitement that I quite forgot about Captain Winstead as well as Jay-Jay

I would learn to my own satisfaction that what was appl