When Winter Blooms

ned back in

watching the numbers climb, and I genuinely considered pressing the l

zer, told myself to act like a person who had

irectly into

elt like I'd walked into a phot

ite and grey and

been used. Furniture that looked l

the middle of the floor the way every child I'd ever w

the four-year-old was fict

to the right. Tall, p

iately, and I stood there holding my folder and wond

ooke

s Re

out and then didn't because he'd already

llowe

an it made me feel personally judged. He set his phone

nt your refere

I have copi

ead

t the folder

oo

ondering if I was the r

e, three years with

ft when the youngest st

were training as

didn't explain furt

eciated

ou dr

es

ection t

N

ion was over and something else was beginning. He shifted slightly, leaned forward wit

four,"

year has been difficult

sed away fourte

rief mentioned

sor

" He

live-in." He

and if tha

anything keeping me in a

ully, but he didn't s

ate, I don't expect you to cook for me. Yo

od." I he

if it ever made sense, logist

on didn't ch

hich was clearly his polite way of s

stopped

dow now. It was something I would come to recognize, when he had somethin

died, Lily is not a difficult child. She'

, it's hard for her. The last one left with ve

ain. "That

moment. He still w

ole,"

mom. I would expect her to get attached

l if I'd said the right thing or the wron

m twelve-month com

t's

er boundaries exist in this house, Lily doe

urse s

me kind of internal decision, because he picked up his phon

eet, fa

corner in a pink j

re. She had dark hair that was escaping whatever someone had tried to do wi

d at eac

mbed up onto the cushion next to me without

like cookie

lotion,"

oked at me very seriou

d ta

m L

m M

ing to be m

s watching her the way you wat

opped off his face, just looked

figuring that

her father, t

d it, her small fingers wrapping around min

," sh

hat. Like i

in my chest, Something

then his eyes moved to me, and for just a second I saw i

tired, and hopeful, and

is yours," h

ou wan

ueezed

," I

ll s

ith her whole face,

an Cole had turned to

it, right bef

. Like he'd been holding his breath since be

t away and

hings people held onto and never said out loud