In His World

ian

warm and soft against my chest, and it took me a

en

side with her head on my chest and my arm wrapped around her shoulders, and I didn't know when tha

t. I just lay there watching her sleep and thinking about how peaceful she looked right now, ho

rushing her or Sophia's diary or the balcony where a wom

ing and breathing

using on my face, and I waited for her to pull away or say so

d and her voice wa

rni

ling." She

ied still not

asn't t

of her but my arm stayed where it w

my chest right over my heart and I wondered if she could feel

ed to her because

r of us was actually moving closer, and I could see every detail of her face this close. The

ecause I didn't want to kiss anyone, didn't want that kind of connection, but here

opped to my mouth and then back up to meet my gaze, and the ai

y face and smell whatever shampoo she used and I was abou

w something fi

aced with something I can't ide

arm fall away from her shoulders. "She said when she first met you, you were differ

te understand why s

or were you always like this and

ecause this conversation wasn't one I wanted to

ned? What made

atter?" I

if you're just going to do to me what you did to her." Elena crossed her legs and looked at

I've been for years and nothing is going to change that." I star

use." She didn't let go. "Tell me wh

u care?" I

think I have a right to know." Her grip tightened. "And because Sophia cared about you enough t

she was signing

told her why and she spent two years trying to reach someone who'd disappeared.

about pulling away but something in her eye

me that

ually, and my mother found out and confronted him and he told her he didn't love her and never had, said their m

slightly on my wrist

I could still see her face that last morning before she left, red and swollen from crying. "She told us she loved us but s

hard to watch." Elena

st free from Elena's grip. "My father sat me down after she was gone and told me that love was weakness, that my mother had made

be vulnerable." Elena asked like she

over me." I stood up and walked to the window. "And it worked, I got through school

phia." El

nything for Soph

care about her?" Elena got out of bed and came to stand next

h me this easily. "Sophia told me she was falling i

nd

supposed to be a business arrangement that ended cleanly after two years." I looked out at the city. "I told he

did yo

ny of the small things I'd been doing to make the marriage feel less fake." My hands clenched

t move on." Sh

she reached out the more I retreated until we were basically strangers living in the same apartment." I turned

not fair

riendly was just giving her false hope." I crossed my arms. "So yes I changed and yes I became cold and distant and

g at me and I couldn't tell what she was th

I told her I could

aving a conversation about what was happening." Elena stepped closer. "You could have told her abou

't have chan

s the problem." Elena's eyes were bright. "Instead you just shut her out and le

n love with someone who tells you from

ached out and touched my arm. "And you can lecture all you want about keeping things pr

to her because I did ju

scared of feeling anything that you've locked yourself in an emotional prison.

anted to pull away but didn't. "

letting anyone in." She squeezed my hand. "I want to know if there's any hope of this year being beara

romised her though I know that

either but it happened anyway." Elena's voice cracked. "So help me under