the return of the light

The hustle and bustle of the bar didn’t render my bad mood. Staring down at the empty glass, I tapped my finger and then my leg impatiently. The television sounded loud even through the noises the bar visitors made. I heard it all. The news report about Brad Segal being mauled by some wild animal in an alley--the shit didn’t sit right with me. Nothing about the story made sense. An animal? They wouldn’t allow me to see the body. His wife said it was even too much for her to handle to just identify him. I definitely don’t know how she did it.

“It’s a damn shame what happened to him, Ray.” The bartender said, taking me out of my daze. “Your brother was a good man.” I only nodded, shaking the glass in my hands to gesture to it being empty. He sighed as he poured the contents of the clear liquid back into my glass. With one gulp, it was gone again. “You really believe what the news is saying?” He waited for me to answer, but I didn’t. “You really think it’s some kind of animal out there?”

I scoffed while massaging my head. “My brother was murdered, Charles. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. The fucking news don’t know shit about what’s going on.” I argued trying to keep my anger at bay, but it spilled over. “Just turn that shit off.” It worked. The silence of the TV now caused me to close my eyes at the pounding in my head and the emptiness in my heart. Brad and I were really close, even though we were opposites.

He settled down, started a family. I, on the other hand, was with a different woman every chance I got. My job made it easy for me to meet a lot of sexy ladies. There was no way I was going to turn them down by settling with one of them. Brad was religious, went to church every time the doors opened, not just on Sundays. If there was a sin, he had to confess it. I thought him to be a fool for believing in such nonsense. Everyone knows the dark rumors surrounding the catholic churches, but nevertheless, Brad never judged me, so how dare I judge him.

It was what made him so great. He never judged others, only himself. Thinking of how great he was made me realize how much of a shitty human being I was. His family was mourning. My nieces counted on me, needed me. But here I was drinking my life away at the same bar I visited almost every Friday night. This time, my heart was just heavy and I needed anything to take my mind off the fact my dear brother was now gone.

“It’s still a damn shame. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you,” Charles offered. I only nodded, holding my glass out, again.

“Just keep ‘em coming Charles.” This time he didn’t argue. The sad look on my face must’ve convinced him I needed a little extra tonight. After I lost count of the shots and I could barely walk, I stumbled out of the bar, with Charles calling after me but I didn’t stop. The night air was much needed as I looked into the sky, feeling the droplets of rain. Just my luck.

My feet lead the way as I continued to stumble into the night air. Before I realized it, I was on the steps of the very church Brad attended. My anger, most likely, was driving me to confront anyone responsible for his murder. I staggered, falling over as I burst into the doors. No one was there. No one I could see, anyway, in my drunken stupor. Taking a cautious step forward, I grabbed on to anything I could. The pews in front of me led the way to the alter.

Once I was out of leverage, I fell on my knees right before the Jesus statue, turning my head to see Brad doing the same thing. It brought me comfort and anguish all at once. “Why didn’t you just go home? How could you leave me?” I cried. In my drunken state, I was in no condition to hold in what I truly felt… pain. I sobbed the kind of cry that left you breathless and empty.

“I’m sorry? Child of God are you talking to me?”

I looked up to see the priest, not as old as I thought he should look. He bent down and placed his hand on my back to comfort me, but I sat up aggressively nearly toppling backward. “Don’t touch me!”