Sinful Pleasures

Adrienne

I woke up achy and sore once again. Yesterday's beating had been something else as I had not been expecting it.

Usually I would know if my parents were angry beforehand because their faces would be blank and there would be little signs like the twitching of mother's eye and father's foot tapping due to the anticipation because they were sick like that , sick in the head that is but yesterday there had been none no warnings or anything.

It had been sudden and out of the blue and just because I asked if I could skip our daily ritualistic dinner to go to the library with some of my friends on a weekend. I had lied as I didn't have any friends but I had just wanted to get out of the stuffy house.

I guess I should have known as the dinner was the only time that was compulsory "family time" where they could mock and curse me and I should have never asked but I just couldn't resist the opportunity to get out and spend some time free of all the darkness. 

The darkness was slowly but surely consuming me. "May I go to the library on the weekend?" I had asked and there had been dead silence before my father got up slowly from his chair and attacked me while my mother watched.  I got up slowly and leaned on the headboard.

Thankfully father had not broken any bones but there were bruises, lots and lots of bruises but all of them were hidden by my clothes. They were careful about not leaving anything visible as they had a reputation to maintain.

They were very careful about maintaining their reputation so I had everything a girl could ever want except for the abusive parents. There is a reason to that though, a reason that is imprinted in my brain because they have chanted it over and over again when they dished out the beatings. It is because I killed my brother and their only son.

I don't think that was true though as we had been kidnapped and there was nothing I could have done with my hands and feet bound. I could not fight the big scary men that had taken us. I could hardly remember the whole thing after the blow to my head. My parents had blamed me for the whole thing though, they said that I should have been the one to die.

The abuse had started then and at the time I had been mourning the death of my brother, my eight year old brain had been confused at first as my parents had although not being loving towards me they had not been harsh either. I had truly believed that I had killed my brother and my parents had made sure that I would wish over and over that it had been me that night instead of my brother.

I still have nightmares of that night, my brother's screams and my own screams mixed with the sound of my parents' taunting voice. Of course I have other nightmares but those are the ones that leave me the most scared.

Thankfully I have dreamless nights when I faint from pain so I am well rested in the morning otherwise I would not have any energy left for school and not going to school means that I would have to stay at home which could mean that I could risk my parents wrath. lifted myself from the bed and headed towards the bathroom.