STIGMA

Zachary Udolf Sullivan

I love you

I jerked up from my sleep and sat on the couch rubbing my face using my hands. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I shuddered in my place. Her voice still fresh in mind never allows me to sleep. All I ever wanted is to sleep, and that is to once and for all. Three months, eight days and five hours have passed since she has gone. She betrayed me. All those promises were just lies. Just plain lies. She promised me that she would always be there with me, forever but still, she broke her own promise and left me forever and ever. I inhaled deeply, as I got up from my office couch and walked to the glass window.

The clock read half past five in the morning. I looked back at my table to find my table all messy and a stack of important papers gathered in files. A sigh escaped my mouth as I shoved my hands into my pant pockets and stared at the trees which were black against the sky, the time of dawn, the sun was about to rise as I watched the birds already flying searching for their food. Traffic seemed less and only a few people who came out for what looked like jogging were visible down my office building.

I have been working late in the night wanting to finish all of my works which have remained pending for three months.

As I turned around to go back to the table, I felt the world rotating before my eyes as I stumbled on my own feet feeling dizzy. All of a sudden I felt my head hurting as if somebody was hammering on my head. All of this happening to me because of my lack of sleep. How will I sleep? How can I sleep when she betrayed me. Even though she betrayed me, she keeps on lingering in my mind every single time when I close my eyes. She shows up before me when I am sleeping when I am thinking when I wandering here and there when I am eating, just everywhere. She is with me even though she isn't near me.

I still remember when the cops got her body out from the car from underwater. I felt like killing myself. Why did I let her go?

It was all my fault.

She broke my heart and my soul into pieces. My hands trembled when the cops told me to remove the shroud from her face. Her face was ruined from the accident. I couldn't ever find the courage to look at her when the stupid cops declared her dead. Her father was screaming and fighting with the cops yelling at them that his daughter can't leave him. Her mother was on the ground senseless with the medical team assisting her. Her friend Kiara and her brother Jace where crying their eyes out while me, I just stood there with my back facing her body. She was indeed wearing my shirt and my pants. It was undoubtedly her. But still, my heart screamed to me that she isn't the one that I was crying and breaking. She can't be...

Four people died that day. The truck driver whose truck hit my Juliette's car, the taxi driver, a lady in a black car and my Juli...

I still can't believe that she left me. I thought finally we were together and we were finally going to start our new life, together but then this had to happen. I refuse to believe that the body they found is of Juliette's. Even though it was wearing my clothes that she wore when she left me, even though her hair, her height everything matched Juliette's physique, still I refused to believe it was Juliette. But the way others behaved seeing that body made me believe it to be her forcibly.

But then I didn't have the courage to face her death for which I shut down myself from the world and when the pain didn't fade away I started drinking alcohol to the limit where I would tumble down and sleep at the same spot but it was only because of Max, Kristian and Willie I am standing here once again before the world. A facade of a mask on my face masking every emotion and feeling away from everyone. Earlier the facade that I had made started to break when she entered my life, but with her, the happiness and all the joys I had felt those days are just gone.

"Why did you leave me?" I mumbled as I crouched down on the floor holding my throbbing head. Earlier, I had taken sleeping pills to let myself sleep for some time but even those meds didn't work as she evaded my dreams in my sleep causing me to forcibly wake up. Now, the pills seem to be getting on to me as I felt dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden. Crawling back to the couch, I got hold of the water jug from the coffee table and splashed the water on my face.

Nothing is working...

Inhaling deeply and exhaling out, I leaned against the couch and closed my eyes for some minutes when didn't even realize when I fell asleep in my sitting position.

Excuse me?

Sir?

A sigh left my mouth when I felt something cold against my cheek.

Sir?..

Is someone calling me?

But who is it?

Going against my will of falling asleep once again, I tried to open my eyes and when I did, I watched as two black orbs looked down at me worriedly. A woman with raven black hair and with pale complexion looked down at me with her hand on my cheek as she patted softly trying to gain my consciousness.

"Are you alright? Should I call the doc?" she asked and I furrowed my eyebrows when I realized her hand still on my cheek. I got hold of her hand and removed it from my cheek before letting her go. As I shifted on my position and tried to get up, my feets wobbled and I tumbled down but a pair of hands supported me by getting hold of my arm in the process to stop me from landing on the floor. The same woman got hold of my arm protectively trying to help me stand but then anger surfaced me for being touched by another woman other than my Juliette, I jerked her hands away and glared at her.

"I am fine, " I gritted out and she smiled surrendering her hands in the air.