Not All That Glitters

Hi I’m Juliana, some call me Jules … my story goes like this

After a long day of gardening, I went inside the house to freshen up then my friend Ariella arrived before I could clean myself. She wanted me to accompany her to the market and since I had no one to impress and had given up on love years ago and did not want anyone in my life no more I just took my dirty shoes which I had been gardening with the whole day and accompanied her. My dress was dirty and my afro was a mess, it was uncombed and was also dirty as I had been gardening the whole day.

Ariella: Girl stop playing games, go and change we are very late!!

Juliana: Chill,I’m going like this, why would I change after all?

Ariella: I know you got no one to impress but a girl has to be presentable always i’m not going with you wearing like this, hurry go and change

Mom: Don’t mind her

Juliana: Do you want me to accompany you or what?

Ariella: Jeez so you are serious? Well then let’s hit the road

Mom: Be safe and be back early I’m not going to cook for you

So, I accompanied my friend to the market, street boys were making fun of me but l didn’t care, I acted as if I heard nothing so you must be wondering what made me like this, what made me give up on love,well then good question … Since I was born, I never really had feelings for men, I never had an interest in being in relationships, I would watch my friends happy in their relationships and I would always happily third wheel but then there was this model who came into my dm, I’m not going to lie the guy was good looking and breathtaking ,I had to accept his proposal because of his looks but there was no connection. We went on for something like 6 months and as time grew my feelings for him grew as well. Just as I was about to take things to the next level, the guy started to lose feelings slowly and later on he started ignoring me and posting other girls and that was it, I never talked to him again, I felt used ,misled and heartbroken but I was not ready to give up on love. It took me time to recover as I was now used to this model even though I had no real feelings for him. As time went by, I started dating another model again.For me it was just dating, I only liked his dressing and his looks otherwise there were no erotic feelings, but l started to wonder why all my friends were happy in their relationships and why they last long because it was really different for me.

I continued dating that model but as time flew by, he started ignoring me just as the first one did. I went into the other relationship again and the same thing happened all over again, I was shattered beyond explanation because being ignored seemed to be in trend though it was different for my other friends. I became hesitant of being in a relationship because I was scared of being ignored all over again. Even when I found a good-looking person, I would not get into a relationship with him because that same fear of being ignored kept on haunting me. I was traumatized because of that; I wished my relationships could last longer but that never happened as men would always ignore me within a short period of time. My best friend Ariella was already in the 4th anniversary with her boyfriend and things were going well for them which made me wonder where I was going wrong. I-vowed to never get into a relationship with a guy again as I was very scared and traumatized.

More so, since I had no erotic feelings for men, my friends encouraged me into lesbianism. I never liked girls but wanted to know who l really was so I tried it with this girl Taylor but it was a very horrible experience and I had to break all ties with her. This also stressed me a lot as it didn’t work, I just relaxed and vowed never to be in any relationship again, the first reason being that I had no erotic feelings and the other being that I was scared of being ignored all over again .

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