NERIS BoyxBoy

<< y o u j i n>>

7:40pm, IZAKAYA (Pub)

"YOUJIIIINNN, LET’S SIT TOGETHER!” Keita drops himself on the couch beside me, smiling from ear-to-ear.

"Suit yourself." I say as I reach for a bottle of beer.

Keita's friends took their own seats on the couch across from us. Bottles of beer and plates of food were served on our table.

"Keita, you always ditch us every time you see Youjin. You like him that much?" Keita's friend, Fumihiro, comments from across us.

Toshiro, another one of Keita's friends, leans forward and stares at the both of us. "Don't say you turned homo, huh? Keita-kun?"

Suddenly, a shiver runs down my spine. I carefully chase my breath.

"The hell, guys? Me? A homo? Don’t you feel disgusted?!" Keita makes a disgusted face then bursts into a fit of laughter together with Toshiro and Fumihiro. "I just feel really comfortable with Youjin."

As much as I can, I smile when Keita glances at me.

"Good! Because I will never hand Youjin over to you!" My best friend from highvschool, Eisuke, hugs me from behind. He's also sitting beside me. He's throwing daggers towards Keita and when I glance at Keita he's looking at him the same way.

They may look like this but believe me when I say they get along... sometimes.

"Guys, enough with this homo talk and let's just drink." Misao chimes in while drinking quietly in front of us.

"Right!" Fumihiro and Toshiro cheer.

"Let me pour you a cup." I raise the bottle and pour the beer on Keita's empty glass.

"Thanks." He says in a gentle tone. I smile at him in reply as I pour the beer on my glass too.

Minutes passed and everyone was engulfed with chatting and ranting about our college life. I'm not much of a talker but I enjoy listening and laughing together with them as I silently drink my beer.

Toshiro told us a story about how their professor rejected his project and how disappointed and angry he was. We were laughing at how much he’s cursing on his poor professor. Keita and Fumihiro added some gossip about the said professor. It seems like that person has a bad reputation. Even though Eisuke and I are in a different department we could also hear some not so nice gossip about him.

Amidst the loud laughter, under the table I feel a big, warm hand gently holding my hand. I freeze for a second with the tingling sensation of his skin against mine. Slowly, he laces his fingers with mine as he tightens his grip on my hand. My heart is starting to jump out of my chest but I pretend I didn't care. He then took my hand over his lap. Slowly, carefully, as if he's holding something so fragile. The thought that he's doing this in front of our friends, and trying to hide it from them, makes me even more nervous. I'm scared but I don't want him to let go.

All throughout the night, I have to keep on pretending that nothing is going on under the table between me and Keita.

***

KEITA BEGAN TOUCHING ME ONE MONTH AGO.

I don't know why he's doing it because I am pretty sure Keita doesn't swing that way. Every time he touches me, he always pretends that he's not doing anything. So I ended up pretending too. I just let him casually touch me. Never once he said why he's doing it, and never once I dared to ask why.

I remember it was one night while we were on our way to the station. That night was unexpectedly chilly. I always bring a jacket or sweater with me every time I go out because I get cold pretty easily, but that one fateful day I accidentally left my jacket at home. I was literally shivering that time and all I could think of was having a warm bath once I got back home.

It's only been two weeks since Kieta and I met but it’s no hiding that we just clicked. We are comfortable with each other and we enjoy each other’s company. I could say we became instant best friends the night I found him drunk.

"Youjin, are you okay?" Keita stops in his tracks to look at my face. There's a hint of concern in his expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit cold."

"Yeah… It's really chilly tonight…” He pauses as he stares at my face. "Hey, your nose is really red!"

"Really?" I touch my nose.

"You're not just 'a bit' cold. Liar!"

I laugh. "You got me. I get cold easily but I'm fine. Really." I assure him.

Keita pulls his right hand out from his jacket's pocket and brings it over to my face. I was caught off guard when he gently brushed his fingers against my cold cheeks. I stare at his face as he inches closer to me. I thought it was over when he took his hand back. I am preparing myself to brush and laugh it off but then I feel him take my hand. His hand is warm while mine is shivering.

He let go a soft chuckle. "Man, you're freezing."

Ever since that night, every time we're together he would always find a chance to touch me or hold my hand but there's nothing sexual about his touches, just pure platonic. I don't know what's going on in Keita's mind. Even if I ask myself, I can't find the most suitable answer.

Does he like me? Is he even gay?

I am fully aware that Keita feels nothing special about me. He only sees me as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. But despite that hurtful truth, I still can't find an answer to why he's doing that to me, why he keeps holding my hand.

Sometimes, I try to convince myself that he's only doing that because he misses his ex-girlfriend and he remembers her every time he sees me. Because we met that same day Keita and his girlfriend broke up. Maybe, he sees me as her replacement, physically.

Coming up with my own explanation is much better than nothing at all. Although it's a little unfair because every time he touches me, I can't help but feel more for him. The kind of feeling that is never good for the kind of friendship we have. I'm scared that if I try to tell him to stop touching me as he likes or if I let him know about my feelings, our friendship will break and we'll never return to how we were before, how this friendship should be.

I'd rather stay in this stalemate relationship with Keita than lose him.

Maybe, I'm a more greedy person than he is.

***

It was past midnight when we finished drinking and decided to call it a night. Toshiro got himself drunk so Misao is going to take him back home after he lost to Fumihiro in Rock-Paper-Scissor. Time went by so fast. It's always fun together with these guys.

"We're taking a cab." Misao declares as he hails a taxi. "I'm taking the money from this drunkard's wallet."

Misao is a 6 foot tall guy with a never changing stern face. He may look unfriendly and unapproachable but surprisingly enough he gets along well with everyone.

"Yeah. It's his fault anyway for drinking too much. He’s lucky we don’t have class in the morning.” Keita says to Misao then glances back at me. "You have morning class, right?"

"Ah, yeah. But it’s still early and I’m not that drunk yet." I chuckle. "I can even go for one more round."

"I know a newly opened bar near here. Let's check it out, Youjin." Eisuke put his arm over my shoulder. " Then you can stay at my place after."

"Wait." Eisuke and I both turn to look at Keita. "Both of you have morning class, just to remind ya both."

The corner of Eisuke's mouth slowly turns upward as he looks at Keita. He pulls me closer to him. "Since when have you become our mom, Keita-kuuun?" His tone is full of sarcasm.

"Who are you calling mom?!"

"It's fine isn't it? I wanna come too, Eisuke." Fumihiro says while dashing towards us. Keita seems quite astounded.

"I wanna come too but I have to take this one home. Maybe next time guys." A cab stops in front of Misao then he carelessly tossed the unconscious Toshiro inside. He waved us goodbye before he went inside the car and left.

"Let’s get going!”

"Wait! Get going, what?"

"Are you coming with us, Keita? If you don't feel like it, you can go home first." Fumihiro says with a straight-face on.

Keita's expression shows that he doesn't want to but at the same time he has to go. Then he looks at me. I give him a small nod.

He sighs. "I'm going! Dammit!"

I laugh. "You should have said so in the beginning."

He opens his mouth to say something back but he stops just before a word comes out.