IF I HAD KNOWN

IF I HAD KNOWN.

My love life wasn't fun and Rosy. Truly, all relationships had their ups and downs but mine was more than I could bear.

I was involved in my first relationship when I was in my senior secondary school two, and it was a sort of relationship that started out of pity. Yes, it was a one sided relationship. I tried all I could to make the relationship work, I did as he always said, I gave myself to him whenever he wanted me. Still, it was an unrequited love, he never loved me and it was really obvious, neither did he try to hide it. Till now I still wonder how and why he asked me out to be his girlfriend when he was never interested in me.

After holding on to the relationship for almost three years, he finally got tired of me and broke up with me. Honestly, I wasn't taken off guard, because I actually expected it, I expected the day he'd break up with me, albeit I did cry because not only was he my first, but I cried because I feared that I wouldn't find someone that would ever love me.

Three years passed and I was still single, I had no one to woo me or make passes at me. I blamed all that on my lack of beauty. I wasn't pretty as other girls, but I knew well that I wasn't ugly. Perhaps it could have also been because I was a nerd without glasses. Don't get me wrong, I've seen nerds that are really beautiful and trendy but I was. . .just there.

During my remaining years in the university, I always prayed hard to God for my own prince charming, my own knight in shining armor, my own love, and believe me when I say God did heed to my prayers, because I found one when I got my first job at a university. Anyways, what I didn't know was that I should have been careful. What I didn't know was that I was making a really big mistake that could destroy my plans. What I didn't know was that I was in for a journey that I would never forget.

What I didn't know was how ugly love could get, but if I had known. . .

|MONDAY 21ST SEPTEMBER 2020.|

Grrr! Grrr!!

The alarm clock's loud ringing reverberated directly into my ears, resulting in the opening of my eyes. I groaned in annoyance, rolling and turning on the bed. I wasn't much of a morning person but I knew I had to get my small butt off the bed.

"It's six already?" I asked myself as I yawned and stretched my muscles, sitting up straight on my bed tiredly.

It was going to be my first day at the private and well renowned ORANGE UNIVERSITY— where I had been newly employed as an assistant mathematics lecturer.

In the whole of Nigeria I was one of the youngest mathematicians, graduating with a first class upper – a GPA of 4.85. My success was carried by both the newspaper article and television program and my name; Tiwalade Alade, couldn't leave the mouths of most broadcasters and citizens of Nigeria for some period of time. I was used as an example and a model to upcoming mathematicians. Always invited for seminars to advise students on ways to be a great mathematician, just like myself. Also that achievement of mine made my parents very proud of me, especially my mum and anytime she had the opportunity, she would brag about it to virtually anyone and everyone.

Also, being a genius in mathematics was one of my 'superpowers.'

Although my job at Orange University wasn't one that I was planning to do for long, I just wanted to work for sometime so that I could be able to sponsor myself abroad for my Master's degree and PhD, also I really needed to get a beautiful car for myself.

"Lazy girl, you're awake." My best friend and my roommate Sewa Okus said as she walked into my room.

"Good morning to you too," I looked at her smiling.

She grinned then collapsed on my bed. "My bad, good morning my lady."

"Yeah right, I'm not deaf, Sewa. I can hear the sarcasm dripping in your voice." I told her.

I saw her roll her eyes, pulled my duvet and covered her body as she pretended to fall asleep while I just smiled at her antics. That was Sewa, she was the complete opposite of me, and one of the best things that could ever have happened in my life then. She was a socialite, the life of the party, an extrovert and extremely beautiful. Sewa was someone that one could call a melanin goddess with black eye orbs — unlike my own black brown orbs — standing out from her white pupils. Her black skin never missed its glow, unlike my own dry skin. Even after all the creams and oil she'd introduced to me, my skin just didn't want to glow like hers, it was a really hard skin.

"So why are you up so early?" Sewa's eyes were still closed as she asked that question.

"You've forgotten?" I had to ask because I was totally shocked that my best friend didn't remember that it was my first day at work, even after ringing it into her ear throughout the previous day. "It's my first day at work, Remember? I told you yesterday," I'd told her and I didn't wait for her response before I continued. "And believe me I don't want to be late."

She rose from the bed, still using the duvet to cover her body as she sat near me embracing me into a bear hug — which by the way, was really suffocating.

"Sewa, you - are kil- ling me." I choked out and she released me instantly, using her hands to caress my hair.