HEATHER REVERSE

I woke up early in the morning to jog outside and to refresh myself before the start of our class next week. I wore a pair of leggings with a stripe going along the seams which made my legs look so long as I'm running. I also styled it with a simple sports bra to let my bottoms be the hero of my look.

I fixed my earphones and higher the volume of the music I am listening to. I tried my best to forget all the memories that would just ruin my mood for today. As much as possible, I want to have a rest. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

Instead of enjoying my summer vacation, all I did was study because that's what my parents want me to do. They said I need to study this and that to know our business. At the age of nineteen, I am still dependent on my surroundings. Why? Because they see me as a model, so I need to be one. They find me attractive, even if for myself I am not.

I stopped midway when my phone beeped because of a notification. It's a comment from one of those followers of mine.

"You're a heather," I read what it says.

My forehead creased and my lips slightly protruded.

"Am I?" I asked myself.

This is not the first time someone would tell me about it. Many of them were noticing me from the start. They saw me as heather because I'm gorgeous and attractive they said. They also said that I have a good personality, know how to approach people, and exactly know how to befriend them.

I will not be humble enough to deny that I am kind. Yes, I am kind. Because that's what my grandma taught me to. Be kind to everyone even if that person doesn't deserve it. Why? Simply because everyone deserves to be treated that way. But do they deserve that? Somehow I am kinda confused about what my grandma taught me. Some people would do bad things to you without conscience. But after that, you still needed to be kind. Why would I? Do they deserve that? But no matter how my brain stops my heart from caring, I always ended up caring.

My soft personality reflects the personality of my grandma. She already passed away just a year ago. She's always my savior, my hero, and my love. In my darkest times, she's always there as a lustrous star of my night. Because of her, I learned how to forgive people. Because of her, I managed to collect the pieces of myself. She taught me the meaning of life. She taught me the value of love. I learned to love because of her, but also ended up breaking myself when she passed away.

The sun is slowly rising. I am running fast and quick so that its light won't be able to touch my skin. I am afraid of brightness, I am afraid to watch the sun rising. Because it represents a new day which everybody loves but I hate, I rather don't know why.

A new day for me means new stress, new pressure, and new pain. I'm not like this before, I even loved watching a sunrise when I was a kid. But I don't know. All of that changed because of one memory. A memory that keeps me from darkness and hated the morning of tomorrow.

A memory that blocked me from forgetting, and that was the harder fight I need to endure every day.

When I reached the park, I noticed that I am not even sweaty. What can you expect? I didn't bother to show myself under the light of the sun. Instead of heat, I just made myself colder.

I came out of the tree to let myself welcome the wind blowing as well as the heat coming from the king of the morning.

I smiled when I realized that I still feel nothing. How can I appreciate the vibrance of the morning when no one sincerely wants to be with me? Heather, huh? I thought they are the ones who people want to be with?

I sighed. Why am I even thinking about it? Besides, I am not yet in the right condition to interact with someone right now.

"Miss?" A baritone voice from nowhere filled my ears.

I just said in my thoughts that I am not in the right condition to interact with someone now, right? Why can't I have peace even just for a while?

"Miss, you dropped your handkerchief," he said.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw a man standing in front of me. He's wearing lazy attire with his glasses on.

Wait, he's kinda familiar though.

"Did I see you somewhere...?" I hesitated to ask.

He chuckled and fixed his glasses.

"Nice seeing you again, Bella..." he said.

My eyes widened a fraction when I realized who it was.