Billionaires Fake Girlfriend

“The worst thing about her is that she claims to be an advocate of natural beauty.”

“I mean do her actions seem like what a role model's should be?”

“Should we or shouldn't we be happy she forgot to edit the video?”

“Does she know how many girls look up to her?”

“What a catfish—.”

I switch off my phone and take a deep breath, wanting to just dump it in the lake but no, asides the fact that I'd spent my life savings on buying the latest model of the almighty iPhone, I have to remember it is my workplace since I have no job. Literally no job asides social media.

In other words, I'm one of those people who make a living from social media aka ass-kissing celebrities and making videos, which most people think requires zero talent.

Why would I want to dump my phone into the lake you ask?

Well, that video I just watched was about me. Some people I don't even know had decided to do a podcast because of me, going on and on about how I was a liar and a hypocrite. They even went as far as editing my photos and placing devil horns on my head, captioning them: "HYPOCRITE BOTTOM." "INSPIRING CATFISH," and countless derogatory names.

Unsurprisingly, people were loving it, I mean the video had four million views and six thousand comments in three hours.

My most inspiring video hadn't even reached that mark!

And what video are they fuming about?

Well, courtesy of celebrating the three million followers I woke up to yesterday morning, I threw a small celebratory party for me and my cat. We were both having fun, taking cute pictures, dancing to Taylor Swift and doing other celebratory things, when I  got a notification saying, ‘Gigi Hadid liked your photo.’ This then prompted me to down four bottles of beer only(I promise)—I called it, "double celebration"—because  why the hell not? It's not everyday an amazing supermodel who is your idol, likes your post.  After that I vaguely remember doing things on my phone—slightly tipsy and posting a video.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that , I Judith Jerry aka @TheplumpbottomJudith, had posted an embarrassing drunken video of myself dancing in the most skimpy underwear consisting of a red thong and bra with the most cheesy devil horns on earth, and that's not all. I liked photos of my celebrity crush, Ian Somerhalder, from three years ago which is like the biggest mistake anyone—especially an influencer—can make, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I said alot of stupid things in the video.

Things like: "I hate New York and everyone in it," " I think so many influencers are douchebags in real life," "Fuck doctors for thinking they ruled the world or something," "pigs should actually start flying since that's what everyone wants," "Millie Kennedy is just overrated," and worst of all I called out the government—like, sane me wouldn't ever do that.

It was actually a silly mistake.

That video wasn't supposed to end up online, it was for my drafts only, I had similar videos on there. The video I intended to post was one where I wore a cute baby blue dress, not calling out anyone, just hopping around doing a cute, funny dance I saw on TikTok. And the devil horns video, I intended to send to my friend as a joke.

It was supposed to be funny. But, stupid me had to mix up the videos and throw myself into the den of social media Lions.

In summary: I somehow posted an unedited video of myself talking shit about people and the government because I was stupid enough to get drunk with my phone in my hands. The last time I got drunk, I sent a video of myself and cat singing Call Me Maybe to all my contacts and had to lie to all of them that the cat made me do it( I don't think anyone believed it by the way). After that experience, I made a decision to never have my phone on me whenever I'm drinking.  If it weren't for that like from Gigi Hadid, I wouldn't even have picked up my phone.

Even after I made sure to delete it two hours later—which now when I think of it wasn't fast enough—it still managed to trend and no, not because guys found it sexy or girls started to label it " body goals," but because I had the most hideous pimple on my forehead and my belly wasn't as flat as I edited my photos to look. At some point when I was reading the comments, I wondered if people had always waited for it to happen, if the millions of people that followed me were just patiently waiting for me to mess up. 

The comment that stuck out for me was the one from my biggest fan(ex): @Somuchhatefortrash: So Judith Jerry has been catfishing us all these time and we fell for it, well just so you know "pregnant flat bottom" since your ass isn't as plump as you made us think it was, I'm gladly unfollowing because you're such a hypocrite. I mean, that is the most painful thing to hear from someone who always commented on your photos with words like:"slayyyy," "biggest inspiration for our generation," and "we love you queen." 

I guess I should've taken her her name seriously.

I blame everything on the alcohol. As stupid as it sounds.