Alphas Regret His Betrayed Luna

THALIA

The moment is perfect.

No, correction—it was supposed to be perfect but it's not. I'm losing my sanity, the last bit of it that's left after my mate openly admitted to cheating on me because I never can be good enough for him or the ideal expectations of his pack. All the pain I've felt over the last couple of years was to be erased by today but instead, it piled up into one and hit me in a giant wave. It's simply not fair, today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, the day I was to meet the perfect little gift the moon goddess sent me but it's turned into nothing but a tormenting stillness. 

My gaze shifts from the bright pink walls of the hospital room to where my best friend stands, her back to me while she talks on the phone. Even there I can see the same colour wall taunting me, it's the exact shade of my daughter's nursery. I push myself off the bed and walk towards Mariella, her whispers now loud enough for me to hear. “No, please come and see her. Thalia can't lose you both today, please,” she whispers, sniffling.

“He doesn't want to see me?” I ask, startling Mariella.

Mariella hastily pockets her phone, shaking her head. “Of course he wants to see you but he's hurting right now and-”

“What about me Ella? I'm hurting too, this is my daughter we're talking about. I carried that little girl for months, I watched her grow inside me every day, I felt her moving and when it was time to meet her she was dead. How do you think I feel about all this?”

“I know you loved her.” Mariella frowns, guiding me back to the bed I've been confined to for hours now. “I'm hurt too Thalia, and it's killing me to know that I can't take away your pain. Darling, I would give anything to erase this feeling but I can't.” she cries, shaking her head.

I wish I could cry too, but I know crying would mean I accept this horrid dream and I have hope I'll still wake up to my baby kicking in my tummy.

“Mariella, no.” I try to wipe her tears, she’s been crying since she told me my daughter died inside me. “I'm fine, see? I'm not hurting.”

“That's because you haven't seen her Thalia, you haven't seen her little body, she’s so blue and frail. You'll break if you see her like that, I don't know what I'll do if I end up losing you like we've lost my niece.” Mariella sobs, her tears heavier now.

My head instantly shakes, “I can't see her like that.”

“I'm sorry Thalia, you did everything you could but some things are out of your control.” 

But she's wrong, I didn't do everything I could have. When I was held captive in that dark cell I was given the opportunity to call my baby's father and he would have come for us with an army but I wanted to prove I didn't need his protection. I wanted to prove I was strong, and in the process, I ended my daughter's life before it began, this is all my fault. Baby Arabella doesn't deserve to have her killer holding her, or so much as burying her. I wouldn't want my child's killer anywhere near her so I won't be, I'll let her go with the peace she couldn't come into this world with. I hate myself, and I hope she never forgives me for not putting her first.

With every tear Mariella sheds on my shoulder, I wish she would have been Arabella's mother because then my darling angel would have been alive today. “Please cry, Thalia, please. I want to let you grieve at your own pace but I can't, this is unhealthy.”

Is it? Maybe, but I've tried to cry. An hour ago I slit my wrists hoping to join my daughter or at least feel some sort of pain but nothing came from it. I'm numb, numb yet my soul aches and weeps for my daughter. 

Mariella shakes me, and my body waned. “Thalia please, cry!”

“I can't!” I snap back at her. “I can't cry Ella, I've tried so hard to cry but my daughter deserves better than to have her killer mourn her death. That little girl deserves better she needed a better mother, one that could keep her alive not me, she doesn't deserve me.”

“She's your daughter of course you can cry, please.”