A Tale Between S and W Not your usual giddy love story

                                                   CHAPTER 1

     “What procedure do you want to do with your face?” she asked.

     The suffocating atmosphere here in the bed is terrifying as I walked in. I see too many white colours. I am not an avid fan of the white colour, or any light colours. I feel like I am admitted in a psychiatric hospital when I see things painted in light colours.

     But it disappeared when the female doctor came.

     Her delightful aura covered the room. She smells heavenly, like newly-blossomed lavender flowers with dews at the break of dawn. It is sweet.

   “Miss, what do you want to do with your face?” the female doctor asked again while scanning through some documents.

    Why doesn’t she know what I want to change in my face? Didn’t we talk about that yesterday with her secretary?

   “Hmm, Miss Doctor, I want some nose lift and a change in the configuration of my chin, I responded. “I already told you that yesterday, did not I?”

     How can a doctor forget what we talked about our appointment? I thought doctors have good memory power to survive medical school. Or maybe I am just doing some common stereotypes? Am I generalizing them all this time? I am being too judgmental maybe.

     She is intently staring at me. Those stares gave me unforeseen chills down my spine.

    “Oh Miss, I am sorry I forgot it, I am just stressed nowadays, the Doctor said. “I tend to forget things quickly when I am feeling stressed.”

     What a joke. She is dragging herself down. Does not she know that she has to save face in times like this? That she has to do some alibis or make white lies? She is unusually honest. This is quite unexpected.

     I already paid half of the fees after that lunch conversation in a high-end famous sushi restaurant. I foot the bill because I am too ashamed to tell the doctor that we have to pay our own bill. Everything has been set, including the procedures and the full amount that I need to pay once the surgery has been completed. I heard some medical jargons from the female doctor, but I don’t remember much; maybe she did flood me with those unnecessary explanations to flaunt her knowledge in the medical field. I have the attention span of a goldfish, or you can say, even worse than that, so I just daydreamed while she is explaining an array of things. In addition to that, I don’t have that much patience, too.

    “Your face is beautiful. Don’t you know, that by the laws of life and universe, the face you have today is the face of the person you once loved deeply in your past life? Why would you hate it? Why would you change it? Do you hate the ones you love? Do you despise them? I don’t think that’s the case.” she blurted out while disinfecting her surgical tools.

     Why would this doctor say those kinds of words? Like she does not want me to undergo the surgery. I already paid some amount. She is coaxing me to not undergo the surgery, then won’t proceed to give me the refund. Maybe I am being scammed? Is this their modus operandi?

     Losing a customer like me means large losses at her end. This is a private clinic; thus, this establishment aims to make and earn a large sum of money. It is not a welfare-oriented hospital.

     She is acting really strange.

     I should get out of here. I watch serial killer television shows whenever I had the chance, especially in my day-offs; and most of the time, those that act cute and clueless are the ones who have hidden agenda. Maybe she made those promos to lure fools like me here to kill someone? Is this the day I will die? I haven’t completed the payment of my insurance. Dying today will be a burden to mom. Maybe I should have paid the remaining balance yesterday.

     The plastic surgeon’s face is angelic, not like the stern one I met yesterday. It is too good to be true. Her smile is dazzling, but not intimidating; it is like she suits being a doctor. But not a money-making type of doctor. It looks like she helps her patients by giving them courage and boosting their self-esteem. Gazing at her face makes my heart at ease. Her voice is more like a music to the ears. It is soothing. I paused for a moment, thought everything she said, then bade goodbye to her and opened the door.

     She changed only after a day? Did she watch a late-night drama that improved her attitude? That drama must be cool. Corrupt people in the government must watch it.

     I waved my hand at the long-haired gorgeous secretary at the reception. She waved back, her face in awe. She scratched her head lightly, then went back to what she is doing before I came out of the door.

     I became interested in having plastic surgery in this clinic because I found a flyer that says it offers student discounts nowadays. This promo will only last for a couple of months.

     That’s when I decided that I will fake everything. I am going to pretend that I am high school student. I changed the way I dress when I went to the identification cards issuance office. I acted like a petty teenager, with the way I talk and act. I laughed at myself when I got the identification card. It is too easy to fool people in this government office. What if I am a criminal? They will be screwed. This country would be really screwed.

      How can I not grab it? This is a once in a lifetime chance. Availing plastic surgery these days is so costly. An ordinary citizen like me cannot afford it, unless I will file a loan. The banks won’t honour this kind of reason to give you a loan, though.

      I have been bullied since my primary school days. They say that I don’t look like I came from here, in this country. My facial features are really different from others; and yeah, I feel like I am disconnected from this body. I cannot accept these imperfections. Whenever I look at the mirror, I despise myself. But I am still thankful that I have complete limbs and internal organs. I can see, hear, taste and feel things. So, yeah, I am grateful; but for my appearance, maybe not so.

      Meanwhile, I have been the target of bullying since I was young. I know why they always harass me: because I am different and I am silent. I am an introvert and shy one since my schooling days. Even if I have a readied arguments in my head every time they harass me, I cannot blurt it out because I am docile. People laughed and victimized me, be it on recess time, lunch time, or dismissal time. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my grades flunked. I cannot sleep properly at night, and eventually, it took a toll on me. The tremendous stress got me sick. I got hospitalized for days, and mom asked for our relatives’ help. They did help, but the money they gave won’t be enough for the hospital bills. My relatives are not rich to give us all they have got. Mother went to lending companies that are notorious to exploit people in dire need. I got discharged months later, but we had many debts after. The private and public insurance companies' programs  my mom avail won’t pay the hospital bills fully; that is not the way they work. They would just pay a portion of it. Mother paid the remaining debts with her salary every month, and to keep us going, she sold candies after her shift in the school, swallowing her pride. We paid the debts after a year, so I promised myself: I won’t be a headache to my mom anymore. I should take care of my health.  As time passed, watching and learning Filipino martial arts sounded fascinating to me. Being knowledgeable of Arnis, I can scare bullies, or, if needed, fight them. I thought to myself that if I can protect myself, I can also protect the ones I love.

      Yeah, I can fight my bullies since I turn out to be well-versed with martial arts, but constantly being called in the school’s guidance counselling office is a headache for me, and for my mom, who teaches the Filipino language in a nearby school, I am a big shame. Whenever we got home, she spanks my butt with a hanger. Way back then, the clothes hanger is a metal one, so the pain is nasty. I put ice packs on it after the spanking time. Asian mothers are all the same. But this way of my mom’s act of discipline for me, her daughter, is for my sake, it made me grew as a well-disciplined and obedient daughter.

     “People throw rocks at things that shine.” a memorable line from the song of the renowned female singer Taylor Swift with the title Ours. This is my most favourite song. It is very meaningful for mistreated people like me who always choose to be the bigger person.

      I shine because I am different. Rocks thrown at me are not enough to dull my shine.

      Thank you, Madame. Your words are enough to free myself from shackles that limit me for a long time.

      If all people are like you, then, I am fully sure that this world will be a better place. Even aliens from outer space would like to build a home here. People who think that fame, power and fortune make the world go round are the worst. You cannot prolong your life when you all got those. And you cannot take those things to your grave. Once you are dead, you will turn to dust, just like other people who died in the past centuries ago.

      It is kindness that really make the world go round.

      I won’t get a refund for my down payment anymore. I disturbed them, wasted their time, and it is my responsibility to give that amount of money for wasting their time. It is just right. I hope they are not furious of my sudden withdrawal.

      Hiraya’s day started with some good vibes. She smiled and realized that there are still good people in this world and that a person can change for the better.

      Minutes later, the female plastic surgeon appeared. She is profusely sweating. The secretary became wide-eyed.