SECRETS

The deep voice jostles me back to reality. "There was a similar case about a week ago. We found the girl eventually but she..." The man on the phone clears his throat. "Well, the body was particularly mangled." Is that supposed to make me feel better? It's like he hears my unspoken question because he takes the conversation a different direction. "Just..." He lets out a frustrated sigh. "Don't get your hopes up is all I'm saying. We haven't had much luck with this kind of thing as of late. The town is... Well, it's changing.

It isn't safe like it used to be." It was never safe for some of me but I don't bring that up. "Okay." It's one of the only things I've said to the sheriff since I answered the call. "So, just... If you hear anything, give me a call," he continues. "Okay." He pauses longer than usual. I wonder what he's debating saying. He must decide against it because instead he says, "Alright. Have a good one." I roll my eyes. Have a good one? You just told me my friend is missing. I hang up without saying goodbye and open my texts. Olivia hasn't responded in a few days but I hadn't thought anything of it. We've both been busy with finals and she picked up that remote internship recently. I click on her contact photo. It zooms out from a photo of just her to one of both of us. We've both got black hair but mine is wavy and hers is curly. I've got pale white skin and she has smooth brown skin. She's dressed up in the photo but I can't remember when or why we took it. Or maybe she wasn't dressed up. Angela has a habit of always looking nice. She's been like that since high school. Sadness swells in my chest. No. I exit out of the photo. I won't mourn her before she's gone. She's going to come back. She's just... Taking a little road trip or something. Maybe she got tired of life's stressors and needed to take off. I click into a different message.

Busy? I send. I don't remember this one's name. I have her under Buddy01. The typing bubble pops up, disappears.

On my way... I'm staring at the clock when she knocks on my apartment door. "Ten minutes," I tell her as I open the door.

"Are you getting bored?"

She smiles widely.

"Fuck no." She pulls me into her arms and kisses me hard.

"I brought the stuff. What do you want?" "Just fuck me and make me forget everything," I mumble between kisses. Her lips pull into a smile under mine. She lifts me so I wrap my legs around her waist and closes the door with her foot to carry me to the bed we've shared a handful of times. I like this one. She knows I hate chit chat. No need to talk about the weather. We both know what she's here for.

"Give me a sec," she says and unzips the backpack. I watch the shadows shift on the ceiling as clouds drift by, think about the biology final I just took, think about anything besides that phone call. Besides Olivia. How scared she must be.

If she's still-

Buddy01 crawls between my legs and pulls the blanket over her back so I can't see the strap but I know she's wearing it. It's her favorite way to fuck me. Hardly does it any other way even though I wish she'd eat me out before. She's quick to pull at my jeans and I help by pulling my shirt over my head.

"Um." Buddy 01 chuckles. "Sorry. Do you have lube? I'm fresh out." I slide my nightstand drawer out and toss a sleek black bottle to her.

"Sorry," she repeats.

"It's fine just fu- I gasp. "Was that-" "No," I tell her and angle my hips to take some pressure off the depth of the strap.

"Just..." I adjust my hips again and she must take that as her cue to inch the dildo further. "Wait! Wait. Just... Slow. Okay?" I tell her, holding on her shoulders so she can't keep thrusting.

"Okay." She nods too eagerly, like this is her first job and her manager just gave her an extensive list of to-dos. I almost sigh, remember she'll hear it, and hold it in. Note to self: Delete her from contacts. After a few more awkward chuckles and another apology she finds her rhythm and somehow, miraculously, it doesn't feel like she's trying to shove a camping thermos up my... I shake the thought off and fake a small moan. But now she's thrusting too fast again and Jesus Christ was I drunk every time we slept together? I clear my throat. She looks me in the eye again and it's somehow worse than when she's focused on... Whatever this is that she's doing. Her eyes are all big, puppy dog, is something wrong? "I want to be on top," I tell her, trying to make it sound sexier instead of desperate but it's hard not to sound desperate when the possibility of never walking again feels imminent.

"Okay, sure." She's still nodding too fast as she flips over. She manages to keep the strap in while we shift and I'm starting to understand why I keep her in my contact list. Tan skin, muscles for days, a smile celebrities would be jealous of. She's nice to look at. That's gotta be it because I surely don't keep her around for her skillset. I hold the headboard with one hand and slip the other one down to touch myself while I move my hips against her. That's it I moan again and this time it's real. Sort of. It's performative but it's that way with everyone I sleep with. Just a little ego boost. "Like that?" she asks and I nod. "Just like that." She loses it as soon as the words leave my mouth and I almost regret saying it but I have more control here. I'll figure it out. It takes a second but I do. I slow down until she matches my pace and starts to hit all the right spots. She digs her fingers into my hips so hard it'll bruise tomorrow but I finish like that anyway, with a stranger inside of me and my mind anywhere but here. It doesn't last long and isn't spectacular. I don't moan. She'll know I'm faking it. I roll off her and grab the hem of her underwear. "Here. Let me-" I'm glad when she grabs my hands. "I don't like being touched. You don't remember?" She almost sounds hurt. I wonder how badly it would hurt if I told her I don't know her name. I smile. "Sorry. Must've slipped my mind." I swing my legs over the side of the bed and find my underwear, hoping she does the same. I hate when the fuck buddy is hard to get rid of. "Was that good?" she asks. I let out a single chuckle. "It was..." Something I want to say, but leave it at that. "It was." "Cool." She grins this big smile and changes back into the clothes she came in, a gray hoodie and jeans. "I'll catch you later then?" Not likely "Sure." I try to force an authentic smile. It works because instead of flashing those puppy dog eyes again she smiles and leaves. I open the google app on my phone and look up the old bar in San Antonio. Overtime. I scoff. What kind of bar name is Overtime ? I guess it captures the essence of San Antonio. Small and dusty. Nothing fancy. No craft beer or sugary cocktails. Just a place for men to go after work to flirt with the staff and have a beer. It says they don't open for another thirty minutes but I call anyway. If Amelia still runs the place, she'll be there already.

"We're closed," Amelia answers.

"Hey, Amelia. It's Sophie," I tell her. A slight pause.

"Sophie ... Lawin?"

"Yes, ma'am." I may live in the city now but I still know how to talk to the people in San Antonio. "I was wondering if you need some help around the bar for a month or so."

"Who's askin'?" "I am. I could use the money while I'm in town."

She scoffs.

"Yeah, right. Prank call someone else, Lawin."

"I'm serious," I manage to say before she hangs up on me. "I'm coming back to San Antonio for winter break. I have something I need to look into for a while."

"Well, I'll be damned. Never thought I'd see you around these parts again." My throat feels all prickly and tears push at my eyelids. I swallow hard and steady my voice. "Me either," I tell her.

But I have to find Olivia . I won't let her become another statistic even if it means I have to turn my life upside down in the process.