Shadows of the past: The hidden truth

It was unbearable.The pain was just too unbearable.I felt crushed and broken.Every will I had to live,to survive,to get away from my past and move on was gone.I wish I could just crawl into a hole and never come out,I wish I could forever hide from my shameful past.But it's here,it follows me everywhere, sticking to me like a glue that never comes off -a cold invisible grip, seeping into every crack, refusing to let go.

Should I just end it here? the thought briefly came to my mind or was it brief.I can't deny that the thought had lingered on my mind ever since I heard 'the truth'.Anyways,this was the perfect place to end things.The lake.This was where it all started so it's only fair that I end it here, right?

The place was deserted except for a couple who were having a heated argument, something about the husband cheating.They were so into the argument that if I decided to drown myself right there they wouldn't even notice.I should make the decision now.It would be best for everyone anyways.I was already enough of a burden.

The lake stretched out before me, dark and quiet. The water lapped softly at the shore, each ripple curling over the rocks, then pulling away, over and over, like a quiet invitation. I sat at the edge, knees pulled to my chest, arms wrapped around myself, staring at the surface. It would be so easy. Just slip under, let the cold take me. Let the water erase everything.

I don't know how long I sat there, frozen, empty. The weight in my chest pressed heavier with each passing second, like the lake was already pulling me down. Then, through the mist, I saw it - a swan.

It drifted silently across the water, pale against the darkness, its long neck curving forward, searching. Then it called out - a low, trembling sound that broke the silence and settled deep in my bones. It wasn't loud. It wasn't desperate. Just... lost. Alone.

I watched it glide in slow, aimless circles, its head turning this way and that, as if hoping for a reply. But none came. The lake gave it nothing. Just silence. Just emptiness.

And somehow, that was what broke me.

My throat tightened, breath hitching. The swan kept searching, kept calling out into the quiet, and something inside me cracked. The tears came slowly at first, slipping down my cheeks, hot against my cold skin. Then they poured out, shaking me, choking me. I buried my face in my arms, trying to hold it in, but the sobs tore through me like a flood.

I wasn't sure if I was crying for the swan or for myself. Maybe both. Maybe it didn't matter.

The swan drifted farther into the mist, its lonely call fading into the darkness. I sat there, shaking, crying, alive.

The tears had stopped, but the weight hadn't lifted. If anything, it felt heavier now. Like the lake had seeped into me, dragging me down even before I touched the water.

I stood up, legs trembling, and stepped closer to the edge. The cold bit at my skin, but I barely felt it. My heart pounded, loud and uneven, as if trying to fight against what I was about to do. The lake stretched out before me, dark and endless, waiting.

I dipped my foot into the water. The cold shot through me, sharp and unforgiving, wrapping around my ankle like a hand. I stepped in deeper, the water rising past my calves. My breath hitched. It was so cold. Each step felt heavier than the last, the lake pulling me in, inch by inch.

My body shook - from the cold or the fear, I wasn't sure. My chest tightened, breaths coming shallow. The water reached my knees now, and I stopped, staring down at the black surface. My reflection was barely there, just a flicker of pale skin and dark eyes. I felt... small. Smaller than I'd ever felt before.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fingers curling into fists. This was the only way. The only choice. Just one more step. One more breath. Then -

"If you don't have the confidence to kill yourself..."

The voice came from behind me, low and calm, cutting through the silence like a knife.

"...then don't."

I froze. My eyes snapped open, heart slamming against my ribs. The cold wrapped tighter around me, but it wasn't the water anymore. Slowly, I turned my head, searching the shoreline.

And there, standing in the shadows, was a man.

The man didn't move. He stood there, half-hidden by the shadows, watching me. The lake lapped at my knees, cold and steady, but I couldn't take another step. My heart pounded against my ribs, loud and uneven.

He shifted, his voice low and calm. "You're not the first to come here."

I stared at him, breath catching in my throat. His face was hard to make out in the darkness, but his presence pressed against me like the weight of the water.

"Some go in and never come back." He tilted his head slightly, almost curious. "Some walk away. Either way... the lake doesn't care."

My legs trembled. The cold was unbearable now, wrapping around me like invisible hands. I glanced back at the water. It was so dark. So still.

"Why are you here?" I whispered, my voice barely audible over the rippling waves.

The man took a step closer, boots crunching against the wet gravel. "I could ask you the same thing."

I swallowed hard. My throat burned. I wanted to scream at him, tell him to leave me alone, but the words stuck.

He crouched at the water's edge, resting his elbows on his knees, watching me. The moonlight caught the edges of his face - sharp features, unreadable eyes. He looked... calm. Like none of this mattered.

"It's colder than you expected, isn't it?" he said softly. "That's always the first surprise."

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. "Just... go away."

"Is that what you want?" His tone wasn't mocking, but it made my skin crawl. "To be left alone? Then why are you hesitating?"

My breath caught. I opened my eyes, staring down at my reflection. It quivered on the surface, pale and broken. My legs felt heavy. My chest ached.

"You're scared." His voice cut through the darkness. "That's the second surprise."

I turned toward him, anger rising in my throat. "What do you want from me?"

He didn't answer. He just sat there, watching. Waiting. Then, almost as an afterthought, he said:

"You've been here before."

The air left my lungs. The lake suddenly felt colder. He leaned forward slightly, his eyes catching the moonlight.

"Don't you remember?"

A shiver ran down my spine. My heart pounded harder, but I wasn't sure if it was from fear or something else. My vision blurred. A flash - hands gripping my shoulders, whispers in the dark, the sharp smell of antiseptic. The hospital. The screaming.

I stumbled backward, the water dragging at my legs. "Who are you?" My voice trembled.

The man just watched me. Then, slowly, he stood. "Does it matter?"

I couldn't breathe. The lake felt endless beneath me. The cold reached deeper, wrapping around my heart. I sank to my knees, water rushing up to my chest. My hands covered my face as the sobs came, violent and unstoppable. The weight was too much. I was drowning, and I hadn't even gone under.

When I finally looked up, gasping for air, the man was gone.

And the lake was silent.

I sat there for a while, knees pulled to my chest, staring at the dark water. My body felt heavy, weighed down by the cold and something else - something I couldn't name. I kept glancing over my shoulder, half-expecting to see the man again. But there was no one. Just silence.

Had he been real? Or was I losing my mind? The lake was quiet now, the mist curling low across the surface. Maybe I'd imagined him. Maybe I'd imagined everything. But one thing I knew - I couldn't go through with it anymore. I couldn't... not tonight.

I wiped my face with trembling hands, my skin raw from the tears. As the numbness crept in, I finally looked around. The couple that had been arguing earlier - they were gone. At some point, they must've left, slipping into the night unnoticed. Had they seen me? Seen what I almost did? I shivered, hugging myself tighter.

Then I heard it. A faint, distant sound cutting through the quiet.

My phone.

It had been ringing for a while, muffled by my coat pocket. I fumbled for it, my fingers clumsy and cold. The screen glowed in the darkness - Mom. I let it ring. After a moment, the screen darkened, only to light up again almost immediately. Sister.

I stared at the phone, heart pounding. They knew. Somehow, they knew. Or maybe they just felt it - that pull in the air when something was wrong. My thumb hovered over the screen, frozen. I could let it ring. Let them wonder. Let them hurt the way I did.

But my hand moved on its own. I answered.

"Hello?" My voice cracked.

"Where are you?" my mother's voice rushed through the speaker, tight with panic. "We've been calling you for hours!"

"I..." My gaze drifted back to the lake, its dark surface rippling softly in the moonlight. "I'm at the lake."

"What? What are you doing there?"

I closed my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Can you come get me?" My voice was barely a whisper. "Please."

There was silence on the other end. Then my sister's voice, softer but no less urgent. "We're coming. Stay right there."

The line went dead. I lowered the phone, resting it in my lap. The cold pressed in around me, but I barely felt it anymore. I just sat there, staring at the water, waiting.

For what I wasn't sure.

I wasn't sure how long I waited. Time felt strange - like the night had stretched itself thin, wrapping around me, cold and endless. The lake was quiet. Everything was quiet. I just sat there, numb, staring into the darkness.

Then I heard them. Footsteps pounding against the gravel. Voices - familiar, desperate.

"There!"

I lifted my head, blinking against the blur of tears. My mother and sister were running toward me, their faces pale in the moonlight. The moment I saw them, something inside me shattered. I burst into tears, the sobs ripping through me, raw and uncontrollable.

They dropped to their knees beside me, arms wrapping around me. My mother pulled me close, holding me tightly against her chest, rocking me back and forth. "It's okay. It's okay. We're here. You're okay." Her voice trembled, soft and soothing, but I could hear the panic beneath it.

My sister held me from the other side, her hands gripping mine, warm and steady. "We've got you," she whispered. "You're safe now. It's gonna be okay."

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do anything but cry. The weight of everything crashed over me, dragging me down until I thought I'd disappear beneath it. The cold. The fear. The loneliness. It all poured out of me, and they held me through it.

After what felt like forever, they helped me to my feet. My legs shook so badly I nearly collapsed, but they held me up, their arms steady around me. Slowly, they guided me toward the car, step by step, until I sank into the back seat. The warmth wrapped around me like a blanket, but it couldn't chase away the chill that had settled deep inside.

The engine rumbled to life, and as we drove away, I stared out the window, watching the dark trees slip past. No one spoke. The only sounds were the soft hum of the tires against the road and my uneven breaths. I leaned my head against the glass, eyes drifting back toward the lake, now distant and silent in the dark.

For the first time that night, I felt... tired. Bone-deep, soul-crushing tired. I closed my eyes, and the car carried me home.

The ride home was silent. No one was willing to address the elephant in the room. No one dared to break the fragile stillness that hung over us. Mom and April knew that talking about what had happened was the last thing I wanted. So they left me alone.

I rolled down the window, letting the night air wash over my face. It was cool and quiet, the kind of quiet that sinks deep into your bones. The breeze whispered against my skin, soft and steady, and I stared out into the darkness, watching the trees blur past.

My eyes felt heavy. The weight of everything - the lake, the man, the cold - settled over me, pulling me down. I closed my eyes, and the hum of the car faded into the background. The last thing I remembered was the soft rhythm of the road beneath us, steady and distant.

I didn't know when I drifted into sleep.

It was my sister who woke me up. Her voice was soft, almost hesitant, as she gently shook my shoulder. I blinked, disoriented for a moment, before realizing we were home. The car had stopped, the engine quiet.

I got out, the night air cool against my skin, and made my way into the house. Every step felt heavy, like I was moving through water. Mom and April followed behind me, their presence quiet but lingering. I could feel it - the weight of their worry. They wanted to talk. I could see it in their eyes, in the way they hovered close but didn't reach out. They wanted answers. Explanations.

But I wasn't ready.

I was tired. More than tired. My body ached, but it was nothing compared to the heaviness inside me. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and disappear - to lose myself in sleep, or maybe some kind of dream or fantasy where none of this existed. Somewhere I didn't have to think about the lake, or the man, or the past that clung to me like a shadow.

Without a word, I headed to my room, closing the door softly behind me.