Missing Nine Years

At the class reunion, I ran into my ex-boyfriend from nine years ago.

My classmates were teasing that Rylan always comes back to collect emotional debts.

So, I blurted out a random excuse, "I'm married!"

Eventually, he cornered me outside the restroom, pinned me against the wall, and with bloodshot eyes, demanded, "When are you getting a divorce?"

I met his intense gaze with a faint smile. "Are you trying to break up a happy couple?"

"Trina, it's been nine years. Have you ever thought about me? What am I to you, really? Just say you love me, and I'll forgive you."

1

At the reunion, I saw that face I'd longed for day and night.

But I wasn't happy at all.

In fact, I was a bit scared.

As soon as he walked in, he became the center of attention.

Then he sat down next to me.

I was frozen, nerves on edge, my mind racing with countless memories, even my thoughts slowed down.

Why did he suddenly come back to the country? When did he return, and why didn't I hear anything about it?

My hands on my lap clenched into fists, my heart leaping to my throat.

I'd double-checked with my classmates that Rylan wouldn't be coming, which is why I attended the reunion.

I remembered when we broke up, his eyes red, gripping my shoulders, questioning me, begging me not to give up on him.

Thinking of that, my heart ached inexplicably.

Fear, guilt, and pain all surged up at once.

I often wonder, "Which is more regrettable, taking the wrong bus or missing the bus?"

Taking the wrong bus might still get you to your destination, but missing it meant you truly missed out.

I tried hard to compose myself, not to show any cracks.

Until the class president spoke up first, "Hey, I hear Rylan is now the famous CEO of Havenwood Real Estate, his name is well-known!"

My classmates chimed in with praises, and I managed a smile, genuinely happy for him from the bottom of my heart.

No matter where he went, he was always so dazzling.

He was at the top of the mountain, While I could only look up to him time and time again.

2

Everyone turned their eyes to me, knowing that our breakup was fucked up back then.

He waited for me in the rain all night, ended up with a fever and hospitalized.

From beginning to end, I never showed up.

For that, I was scolded as ungrateful.

He's handsome, from a listed company family, rich and good-looking, the dream boyfriend of countless women.

Someone asked, "Why did Rylan suddenly come back to develop his career here?"

He picked up the wine glass on the table and took a sip. "To find someone."

His voice was always pleasant, captivating.

Upon hearing this, everyone reacted as if they'd heard some earth-shattering gossip.

Their tones were laden with implication.

"Find someone? Are you coming back to settle emotional debts?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Now, in our class, only you and Trina are still single, could it be..."

Suddenly, all attention was on me, and I panicked inside.

Instinctively, I blurted out, "I'm married!"

As soon as I said it, the whole room fell silent.

"What? Trina, you're married? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell us or invite us to the wedding?"

"Yeah, Trina, you're doing big things quietly."

"Who's your husband?"

"Why didn't you invite us to the wedding?"

I forced a smile, not understanding why I said that.

Was it to escape or out of fear?

Both, I guess.

I wanted to escape everything related to him, and I was afraid he'd see through my thoughts.

Truthfully, I hadn't given my love to anyone else. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't let go or forget him.

Those days were truly happy.

Perhaps the happiest time of my life.

I'll never forget.

But birds and fish don't share the same path. I've secretly checked on him, wanted to disturb him, but I lacked the courage.

That feeling of wanting to give up but being unable to let go was really hard.

It was a pity that longing was silent; if it had a sound, it would be a raging tsunami.

3

I lowered my voice. "My husband and I don't care about these things."

"Married?" His voice was calm as water, tilting his head to scrutinize my expression, showing no emotion.

I tried to stay calm, but my hands were trembling slightly in the unseen corners.

I didn't answer or look at him; I didn't have the courage to face him, nor did I know how to.

"Mm. Alright, when will you bring your husband out for us to check him out? I also want to see what kind of person you'd like after dumping me."

He smirked lightly, crossing his long legs on the leather sofa, his voice still cold, devoid of any emotion.

Indeed, he resented me for dumping him back then.

But what could I do? I was powerless.

When I was powerless, I hated myself too.

In movies, regrets and misses had an ending and closure, but in reality, there wasn't.

I saw a saying online, "God made you break up with him not to take away your happiness but because even God thinks you're suffering too much and let you go."

Maybe that was it.

He pulled me out of the darkness, only to abandon me again.

I fell back into the abyss once more.

I was never anyone's first choice.

I stopped liking and loving, but I couldn't stop the flood of memories. Those beautiful memories are real.

I know I'd spend my whole life trying to let go.

Sometimes, helplessness was real, confusion was real, having no one to rely on was real.

But who would care?

I tried to adjust my emotions, lifted my head, and looked straight into his bottomless eyes.

"He's very busy; maybe sometime."

4

"I heard that Rylan and the heiress of the Rehbein Group are childhood sweethearts, and recently they've been busy with a marriage alliance between the two families."

"Sigh, back then, Trina, you and Rylan were so passionately in love, but now you've gone your separate ways. What a pity. Otherwise, the position of Mrs. Thomas would have been yours."

"Yeah, I was rooting for you two back then."

"If you hadn't broken up, your kids would be old enough to run errands now."

I smiled bitterly.

A pity? I asked my own heart.

Yes, it's a pity, but more than that, it's regret and helplessness.

I liked him more than anyone, but I was inferior to everyone.

I loved him so much, yet in the end, there wasn't even a decent outcome. How could I not feel regret?

But regret was life.

He's too outstanding. He's a man at the top of the pyramid, while I'm just a humble commoner in the dust.

How dare I hope for too much?

Whether in the past or now, it was always me reaching above my station.

Having come this far, I shouldn't look back; behind me are countless lights, none of which are my home.

My eyes trembled with emotion, a bleak smile on my lips. "It was just youthful folly, not worth mentioning."

After I said that, his face darkened, his lips pressed into a thin line.

5

Midway through, I found an excuse to go to the restroom; my only thought was to escape this place.

To escape from him.

"You know, what on earth is Trina thinking? She let go of Rylan, this golden opportunity, is she crazy?"

"If it were me, I'd never break up, even if it killed me."

"Exactly, she's just ungrateful. With Rylan, she could have saved at least 30 years of struggle."

"Oh, wait, 30 years is an understatement. His family has a listed company, and he's the CEO of Havenwood Real Estate. At least, she'd be a rich wife for life."

"I think so too. There must be something wrong with her brain. Being chosen by Rylan is what so many women dream of."

"She didn't cherish it and even dumped him."

"Really overestimating herself."

"I heard she's working at the state-owned RW Radio Station, and she's the head of the editorial department, with top performance. Who knows what methods she used."

"Yeah, I heard she bought an apartment in the city center. Who knows what she sacrificed for that."

"Right, her family is so poor; who wouldn't want a shortcut?"

After they left, I came out of the restroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror, smiling bitterly and mocking myself.

God clearly let me meet the light of my life, and just when I thought I was going to grasp it, suddenly a force took him away.

My life remained dark.

But life gave me many choices, and I never chose right once.

I can't criticize my past self; if this path could make me happy, I'd still take it.

Maybe from another perspective, those who part ways while walking were never meant to walk together from the start.

Sometimes it felt like I'd lost a lot, but in reality, I never truly had it.

He and I were never on the same path; it was me who wanted too much to walk with him.

6

I've imagined countless times the scene of our reunion, thought about the possibility, but I never expected it to be like this.

It was quite unexpected; I wanted to get closer yet escape, and in the end, I was at a loss for words.

I also thought that the world is so big; if not for deliberately creating opportunities, he and I would never meet again in this lifetime.

But God gave me another fleeting chance.

I can't describe the feeling; I just think God played a joke on me, a huge joke!

Whether eight years ago or eight years later, he was still the dazzling star, and I was just the one delusionally trying to pluck the stars.

Now, the difference was even greater.

I was just an ordinary white-collar worker, dealing with various businessmen every day, just to have a home in this luxurious Jaspertown.

So that I didn't have to hesitate over the price of things I like.

So that I won't be looked down upon by strangers, or even friends.

While he was born with a silver spoon, effortlessly possessing what others envy.

He must hate me a lot.

Let him hate; that way, I could feel a bit better.

I knew we couldn't walk hand in hand. The words "don't go" choked in my heart.

But I wanted him to be happy, more than anyone else.

7

I composed myself and came out of the restroom.

Then I saw him leaning against the corner, surrounded by smoke.

He didn't used to smoke because I didn't like the smell of cigarettes.

I was about to pass by when he called out to me, his voice low.

"Can we talk?"

I refused, "Is there a need?"

After saying that, he extinguished the cigarette in his hand and threw it into the trash can.

He stood in front of me, getting closer and closer.

I instinctively stepped back until there was no way to retreat.

I couldn't be nonchalant.

Meeting again still broke my defenses; meeting again still made my heart flutter.

"Rylan, what exactly do you want?" I glared at him.

"So you still remember my name? I thought you'd forgotten me; since I came in, you haven't even looked at me properly. Trina, what do you take me for?"

I lowered my head, silent, avoiding his gaze.

But he seemed very dissatisfied with my action, pinched my chin, forcing me to look at him.

His dark, deep eyes sent chills down my spine; he lowered his voice, his tone sinister, laced with sarcasm. "Was I not good to you, or did I do something to wrong you? To make you dump me so resolutely? Hmm? Aren't you going to give me an explanation?"