When I die, he will be holding another woman in his arms, and I will become the pain he can never forget for the rest of his life.
"When I died, he was holding another woman in his arms.
The plan was a success. I would become the pain he could never forget for the rest of his life."
1
"Miss Kirby, here's your medicine. Please take it."
I accepted the white pill bottle and said, "Thank you."
With the sleeping pills in hand, I could finally prepare myself for what was to come.
The plan was about to begin.
Sitting in the back of a taxi, I stared at the message Mia had just sent me.
"There's a banquet tonight. I won't be home."
I knew exactly what kind of banquet it was. It was Hailee's welcome-back party.
I had to say Hailee was quite something. She dated Mia only for a year and had him completely wrapped around her finger.
I had been by Mia's side for six years, from 21 to 27, but all that meant nothing compared to a single tear from Hailee.
I had already lived through this once.
In the end, Mia married Hailee, and I died on their wedding day.
I lost my mind and jumped to my death.
I gained nothing.
How could I accept that?
So here I was, alive again, back when Mia was just nineteen.
In the original timeline, I met Mia when I was twenty-one. He had just started his business, and I became his most trusted assistant.
My family favored sons over daughters, while his family was broken and scattered.
We found solace in each other's brokenness.
For six long years, we even reached the point of discussing marriage.
But everything changed at that banquet when Hailee returned from abroad.
Not only did she return, but she also confessed her lingering feelings for Mia at the party.
The two of them hit it off, and my six years of youth became the price I paid for their happiness.
At nineteen, Mia was still the rich heir of the Morrison family, living a life of luxury and dating the most beautiful girl, Hailee.
At twenty, his family fell from grace, Hailee left the country, and his life spiraled downward.
I knew all of this, which was why I entered his world early this time.
I didn't interfere with his relationship with Hailee. This plan needed a scapegoat, and that one year they shared, once cherished by Mia as the most precious time of his life, was it.
I watched Mia and Hailee fall in love, watched them embrace, watched them kiss.
I saw with my own eyes the sweet memories Hailee once spoke of.
For an entire year, my heart was steeped in the sickly sweetness of their love until it felt like it would decay.
I waited quietly, biding my time.
When Hailee left for abroad, I poured my heart into Mia, becoming a part of his world completely in the year he hit rock bottom.
How pitifully naïve Mia was at twenty.
Immature and stubborn, he rejected me again and again, all while waiting for Hailee.
They said true love was proven through unwavering companionship.
Eventually, Mia accepted me.
I stayed by his side through his darkest year.
After that, the story unfolded just as I remembered.
From a reckless young entrepreneur, he rose step by step to become a business tycoon.
From his rejection of me to the moment we started planning our future together, we had been through it all...until this banquet.
"Miss Kirby, we've arrived."
The honk of the taxi's horn interrupted my thoughts.
I glanced at my phone, the chat history with Mia still open.
The last message was sent at 11:35.
"Do you need me to pick you up? Don't drink too much. I'm worried about you."
Mia hadn't replied.
I stepped out of the car and did something I had never done in my previous life.
My plan began at this moment.
The bar was dimly lit, the lights flickering like restless sparks in the dim haze of the bar.
I spotted Mia immediately. He was sitting with his back to me, dressed in a suit that made him stand out among the crowd's flamboyant attire.
Hailee sat beside him, wearing a black dress that also clashed with the crowd but matched Mia perfectly.
The people surrounding them were all familiar faces.
They were Mia's old friends from his days as the rich heir of the Morrison family's.
I waited for a long time, thinking I wouldn't see anything noteworthy. But then, laughter erupted from the group.
They were egging someone on, their voices loud and boisterous.
Amid the commotion, Hailee stood up and pressed a kiss to Mia's lips.
I raised my phone, zoomed in, and captured the moment.
I couldn't make out Mia's expression, but Hailee's smile was unmistakable.
My hand trembled as I held the phone, my heart twisting in pain.
It turned out even in the days I wasn't aware of, there had always been an unspoken connection between them.
As if sensing something, Mia turned his head.
I pulled my hat lower and walked away.
He didn't see me.
Back at the home Mia and I shared, the emptiness pressed down on me.
The hollow silence was far from comforting.
I took a shower and sat on the couch, staring at the clock as the minutes ticked by.
At 1:28, the sound of the door unlocking broke the stillness.
I stumbled toward Mia, throwing myself into his arms.
He caught me, his hand gently brushing over my hair.
His deep voice resonated in my ear.
"Why aren't you wearing shoes? You'll catch a cold."
I cupped his face, my fingers brushing over the spot Hailee had kissed. My voice was muffled.
"Where were you? You were gone so long, and you didn't reply to my messages."
He hesitated but didn't answer me. Instead, he carried me to the couch and put socks on my feet.
I kicked him lightly, feeling dissatisfied.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
He ruffled my hair, looking a bit helpless.
"I was meeting an important client. I didn't drink, and my phone was off, so I didn't see your messages."
I looked at him, and in his eyes, I could only see myself.
"Mia, you're lying," I thought.
I didn't press further and instead acted as I always did, playfully clinging to him.
2
The next morning, Mia left for work early.
After he was gone, I climbed out of bed and went to the study.
Amid the neatly arranged documents and classic novels was my diary.
I pulled it out, flipping through the pages. Each one was filled with my innermost thoughts, from the moment I met Mia to now.
In the years Hailee was absent, I experienced a love I hadn't known in my previous life.
Maybe it was because I had stayed by Mia's side through his lowest point, so he treated me differently.
Even so, I knew his heart still belonged to Hailee.
Sometimes, I wavered, wondering if this time might be different.
But every time I thought about those six years I had spent by his side, only for it to end with Hailee stepping into our home, wearing the wedding dress I had ordered, and them kissing amidst the blessings on the day I died, I couldn't help but hate them with all my heart.
Mia must suffer as I did. He should be tormented day and night by despair.
Tears fell onto the diary, and my hand traced the photo I had taken that day.
Over and over again, each movement felt like a knife carving deeper into my heart.
I thought I had grown numb to the pain.
"I went to pick up Mia and saw a girl kiss him. She was happy, but I was heartbroken."
On a fresh page, I wrote a few simple lines.
Excitement and suffocation warred within me.
It felt strange, yet I couldn't help but savor it.
I closed the diary and returned it to its place.
After applying light makeup, I slipped into a white dress.
I looked serene and gentle in the mirror, a stark contrast to Hailee's bold beauty.
I smiled, and the woman in the mirror mirrored my expression, looking sweet.
Mia had once complimented my smile, saying it was beautiful.
But after coming back to life, I didn't like smiling anymore.
I preferred crying because the raw, gut-wrenching sobs reminded me that I was still human, still capable of feeling.
Crying would only make me remember Mia's coldness and Hailee's taunts.
3
After leaving the house, I went to Mia's company.
The employees all recognized me, but their gazes were evasive.
I had a hunch.
And as it turned out, I was right.
From Mia's office came the sound of a woman's laughter.
I peered through the glass and saw two people sitting at the same table, sharing a meal. Hailee picked up a piece of carrot and moved to feed it to Mia.
Mia frowned but still bit into the carrot and swallowed it.
He didn't like carrots.
My hands, hanging by my sides, opened and then clenched into fists.
I could barely control myself as I pushed the door open, stormed toward Hailee, and slapped her across the face.
"Don't you know he has a girlfriend? Why did you act so shamelessly? Get out of here right now!"
Hailee's eyes widened in disbelief, as though she couldn't fathom that I had hit her.
Once she realized what had happened, Hailee started crying uncontrollably, her face tear-streaked as she tried to explain through sobs.
"I... I didn't... I don't know why you're hitting me. We're just good friends. You've misunderstood. Right, Mia?"
I turned to Mia.
He hesitated for a long time before finally speaking.
"Brielle, stop making a scene. Hailee is just an old friend of mine. You can't just hit her like that without any reason. Apologize to her."
The hand holding the lunchbox trembled uncontrollably.
Mia, you're lying again.
The room fell into an awkward silence.
Hailee's sobs wore down Mia's patience.
"Brielle, if you hit someone, you need to apologize. Apologize to Hailee!"
Mia frowned, tapping the table with his fingers, one tap after another.
I rarely saw him like this.
Suddenly, I was reminded of when Mia was twenty. I had gone to great lengths to win his favor, but he had been unyielding, refusing to budge no matter what I did, telling me over and over again, "Brielle, I will never like you. Give up."
He looked exactly the same then as he did now.
He was all for Hailee.
Memories surged within me, rising to my eyes and turning into silent tears.
My throat tightened, but I forced myself to speak the words.
"I'm sorry."
Mia's frown eased, and a smile appeared on his face.
"Brielle, sit down and eat with us."
Hailee chimed in, her voice cheerful and full of confidence.
"Yes, Brielle, join us! I bought this meal especially for Mia from a very famous restaurant."
She looked at me, her eyes brimming with undisguised provocation.
I stayed calm and didn't cause another scene.
Mia, on the other hand, seemed quite pleased.
I placed the lunchbox on the table. Mia seemed to remember something and froze.
I knew what he was thinking. I brought him lunch every day. It was my habit, and his too.
But today, he ate Hailee's food.
Suppressing the tremor in my voice, I smiled and said, "I came to bring you lunch. Since you've already eaten, I'll head home to eat instead."
Mia opened his mouth but only managed to say one word. "Okay."
I turned and left without hesitation.
Out of Mia's sight, tears finally slid down my cheeks.
The employees near the office exchanged glances, and I forced a smile as I walked away.
But I could still hear their whispers.
"What's going on? The CEO's official girlfriend can't even compete with the mistress?"
"Shh, don't talk nonsense. I went to the same school as the CEO. That woman in the office is his ex-girlfriend. They were really in love back then. That was a true campus romance."
"Really? Then who will the CEO end up with?"
"No idea, but the official girlfriend is really pitiful."
Yes, I was pitiful indeed.
I let out a bitter chuckle and walked out of Mia's company.
4
The sunlight was blinding, and I raised my hand to shield my eyes.
"Madam, would you like to take a look?"
I lowered my hand and saw a person in a bear costume waddling toward me, looking rather comical.
I accepted the flyer he handed me. It was for a nearby café.
"I'll check it out. Thank you."
A memory surfaced in my mind. It was when Mia and I were handing out flyers together.
Those days, the streets felt like a furnace. I had endured that sweltering heat for him.
I smiled at the bear costume and was about to leave when I heard his cheerful voice.
"You have a beautiful smile."
I froze, his words echoing in my ears.
Mia said I had a beautiful smile, too.
"Really?" I asked instinctively.
The rough fabric of the bear costume brushed against my cheek as the person inside clumsily raised a paw.
"It would look even better if you weren't crying. Please don't cry."
I touched my face in a daze, feeling the dampness on my fingertips.
"Was I crying again? I shouldn't be crying," thought I.
After a moment's pause, a smile bloomed on my face. I hugged the person in the bear costume, and he didn't pull away.
"Thank you."
Maybe I was losing my mind.
I sat nearby, watching him hand out flyers one by one, greeting passersby with enthusiasm.
He told me to go home.
I shook my head and refused.
He didn't seem annoyed. Instead, he shuffled around in his bulky costume to shield me from the sun.
I realised this was what it felt like to be cared for.
As the sun set, he took off the bear costume and sat beside me.
Next to him was a bottle of water he had gone to buy for me.
The heat had left his hair damp, and the hair stuck to his forehead.
I pulled out a tissue and handed it to him.
He took it, wiped his face, and pushed his bangs back.
He looked bright and cheerful, completely different from Mia's composed demeanor.
I stared at him absentmindedly until he waved a hand in front of my face, grinning. "Am I so good-looking that you're mesmerized?"
His playful expression made me laugh.
I swatted his hand away and stood up.
"Stop being so full of yourself. I'm heading home. You should go home early too."
The Uber driver honked impatiently.
I waved at him and got into the car.
Through the car window, I saw him holding the bear costume, his back to the setting sun. He was smiling and waving at me.
I didn't tell him that his smile was beautiful too.
Years ago, I had worn a stifling bear costume to shield Mia from the sun.
The costume had been stifling, like a sauna.
I still remembered Mia's endless complaints and his entitled attitude vividly.
I wondered what I had been thinking back then.
I had been thinking how nice it would be if someone shielded me from the sun.
"Why am I thinking about Mia again?" I thought.
I reached up to my eyes again. They were dry and parched.
This time, I didn't cried.
When I got home, it felt as empty as ever.
Out of nowhere, Hailee sent me a friend request on social media. I accepted, but she didn't message me.
I knew what she was up to.
I opened her profile, and sure enough, there was a cheeky caption paired with a photo.
"Dinner with my special someone! Even the lemonade tastes sweet!"
The picture showed two glasses of lemonade and a lavish spread of dishes.
And there was a man's hand. It was clearly Mia's.
He was clever enough to remove the watch I had given him.
I wrote in my diary again.
"Today, Mia forgot that I always bring him lunch and ate with another woman instead. That woman even fed him carrots, which he doesn't like. I was so angry that I slapped her. Mia took her side and told me to apologize. I'm heartbroken."
5
After that day, Mia rarely came home.
I often couldn't sleep, and even sleeping pills didn't help.
Sometimes, I would finally drift off, only to wake up from nightmares filled with endless darkness.
My hair fell out in clumps, and my weight kept dropping.
Even though I had planned everything, including how I would eventually die, I still couldn't find peace or calm.
Sometimes, looking at my lifeless reflection in the mirror, I would think of how I used to be as radiant and confident as Hailee before I met Mia. And then, I would break down and cry.
I needed to move forward with my plans quickly. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.
I knew what was going to happen in a few days.
The city's largest trade mall would become the site of a murder.