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Sometimes, the world must stop, be destroyed and shut down, to find us amidst the rubble, the ashes and the darkness. Alexandre may not be prepared for that, nor for the disaster that comes with the truths, but he will survive, he, he will.
Chapter 1 PROLOGE:
Falling in love has always been defined as the source of life, a liberating and beautiful feeling that makes you blossom and catapults you into the sky while making your heart beat wildly for that person, however.
Who talks about the sorrows, the pain and uncertainty, the tears and those little pains in your chest that leave you breathless as you ask:
Why me?, haven't I given my all?, am I not enough?, why can't he love me?, doesn't he want me to be happy?
Yes, life is hard, and love even harder, not everyone has a story where the sun shines on their face and between kisses and caresses they dedicate words of eternal love to each other, or live the dream of their life with those they love.
Many of us have had to be the second option, the cloth of tears or the person who is there despite all the hell they have made us go through, while they judge and only tell us:
Are you an idiot?, but what else can we do if the heart and the brain seem to be in a continuous war?
One where while the thinking one says enough, the latent one says go ahead, because in spite of everything you love him.
The human being is complicated, difficult to understand and Alexandre will not be indifferent, he is that broken soul that will rise from the ashes, that will cry and scream in pain, but will go forward, will make his own decisions and although his world burns to ashes, will rise and persist in the rubble.
We have all had that person, the one who can make you happy with a smile and destroy you with a word, for years Alexandre Dubois believed that only his parents would have that power, since his favorite person in the world, Leonel Cassell could never hurt him, not aware of it, so their relationship could be nothing but eternal, he willing to do anything for his best friend, and the opposite happy to have him with him.
"Alexandre, I love you very much".
By then they were barely six years old, the budding friendship, sincere and completely innocent of two children who only dreamed of always having each other.
"Alexandre, you are my best friend".
The truth of life, the genuine smile and the little hands held with which they believed they could always be with each other.
The naive belief that makes us think we are insurmountable when we have someone to brighten our days.
"Alexandre, you will never leave me alone, will you?"
Adolescence begins to arrive, the stage of insecurities and losses, of desires and decision making.
"Al, do you love me too?"
Smile, always a smile, there, it was as an answer, the hand always taken between the biggest ones, at what point did he start to feel so lonely?
"Alexandre, I have a girlfriend".
The smile trembles slightly but he rejects the idea that that little pain in his chest could be more than the fear of losing his best friend.
"Al, I like her a lot".
And perhaps by this time the doubt has disappeared and the word love is more appropriate.
"Alexandre, I think I'm in love now".
He smiles anyway, because he knows, or thinks it's for the best, he doesn't want to lose it and the very idea of rejection or repulsion terrifies him.
"Alexandre, I don't think I'll ever find the right person".
And he just wants me to look at him, to turn in his direction and realize when he loves him.
"Al, thank you for never leaving".
Hugs are so much warmer, even kisses on the cheeks, he thinks he can sound the words in sweet melody but....
"Alexandre, I found it".
They pull away again, now maybe even further, almost to the point of letting go completely.
"Alexandre, I'm in love with her".
And the pain only gets a little bit deeper, digs deeper and begins to leave tears and cries of pain in its wake.
"Al, thank you for being here and supporting me".
But the smile is there, disguising a mask of lies and broken hearts.
"Al, you promised not to leave me, you must keep it".
Maybe the strength wobbles, but he delivers because his friend loves him and he's not to blame for his feelings, so he smiles, always a smile.
"Al, I think I'm going to do it".
And by that time the smile just collapses and his heart is pounding so hard it seems to want to burst out of his chest
"Alexandre, I, I'm going to get married".
And he swore that at that moment his world stopped, also that anything other than Leonel's smile and eyes full of genuine joy was even irrelevant.
She didn't think she could concentrate on anything else beyond the pain in her chest and the burning of her eyes trying to hold back tears.
Marrying, him, was Leonel going to marry?
And Alexandre just tried to breathe and not run away, he didn't want to look pathetically unstable, so he stood up, and without a word he left the cafeteria, keeping his temper in check allowing him to walk, not looking back, not caring about Leonel's screams.
He was getting married, he, he was getting married.
And Alexandre wondered, if after so many years of silence, his heart could take that.
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