Fell In Love With My Roomy

JULIANNA

I wanted to live in a student apartment and be independent like my classmates.

My high school classmates mostly wanted to leave Rhode Island. I preferred staying. Why move 100 miles when I got into an Elite School near home?

I felt sad and alone as that seemed like a worse decision. I was in my bedroom while my peers were intoxicated in a frat basement. I saved plenty, but I couldn't afford to live alone, and none of my friends were seeking homes. Everyone I knew at school was closer to others, leaving me alone.

When the bus calls my stop, I calm down. I go up and wait at the door. I look around campus. Still calm. Only summer researchers and students were on campus.

I merely carried a tote bag today since I didn't have school or work. Coffee with an old buddy. I wore a tank top and summer shorts. I wasn't spectacular, but I took more time on my looks and getting ready today than I generally did for campus.

I strolled up to "The Grind," the campus coffee shop. It was near the arts center in a cute building. I check the blackboard promotions inside.

I wasn't social. I was shy with strangers and overly excited with friends. I was always in my brain, forcing myself to feel different depending on the situation.

"Hey, what can I get for you?" When the woman behind the counter asks, her lip piercing dances in the light, and I momentarily lose track of what I was thinking.

"Uh, could I get a latte with ice?" I ask quietly while looking for my wallet in my bag.

"How big is it?" He asks, not sounding very interested, and I try to be nicer, worried that she'll be upset that I didn't tell her sooner.

"A medium, please." When my hand finally closes around my wallet, I smile.

"Just regular milk?"

"Please, say yes!" I shrug and keep a light tone.

"That will be $62; do you have cash or a card?" She asks, and all of a sudden my heart starts racing. Almost $7 fucking dollars for an iced latte?

"Please take my card." I let out a sigh and pulled out my debit card. When I tap it against the machine, I feel like I can hear it crying. She gives me a number, and I wait for Carlo at a table.

I hook my bag to the back of my chair and look around for my cell phone. When my phone buzzes to let me know I have a text, I unlock it to read it properly.

CARLO [11 .01PM]

"Running late, see you in five"

It's 1.06 p.m. now, so he should be here soon.

"Julianna-banana!" I hear Carlo's big body coming over, and I see it too. I get up and give him a quick hug because I'm happy to see him again. He was the only person who ever called me by that name.

"Hi Carlo.' I smile at him, and he smiles back. He changed his hairstyle and got rid of his awful mustache. He used to say that it was what brought the girls in, and he wasn't wrong. Girls did seem to follow him around.

"You look good, what's going on?" When he asks, I just shrug.

"Not much, go get some coffee, and we'll talk.' I keep asking, and he smiles and walks toward the counter.

After a few minutes, he goes back to the table with a huge mug of coffee. He sits down and takes off his old flannel. "What'd you get?" I ask.

"Where's your black drip coffee?"

"They're still doing it." I give her a shrug and look up to see her struggling with the espresso machine. "No big deal, I just couldn't drink something hot."

"It's certainly warm." He nods in agreement and takes a sip of the black coffee. "So, how have you been, and how was your co-op?"

"It was pretty good, and I learned a lot and everything!' He gives a shrug.

Carlo and I had both been busy, so I hadn't been keeping up with him as well as I should have. We weren't really close friends to begin with, but now we were barely in each other's lives at all.

"They told me I could start work in two weeks."

"What?" I smile and ask, and he nods. "Wow, that's great! Congratulations!"

"It's pretty cool that if you get this degree, you can get a job right away." He laughs, and I laugh and roll my eyes. "I still can't believe I finished high school."

"I always forget that we aren't living in the same year. I shrug. "So, what do you want to do?"

"In a few days, I'll be moving back to New York. He says yes, and my eyebrows go up. "Your timing was good when you tried to set up a hangout!'

"You're leaving!' I say it again, and he nods. "Wow, that's a lot!"

"I know." He gives a shrug. "I think, though, that I'm ready to leave.'

"I don't think that's your fault." When I say yes, the woman behind the counter comes to give me my drink. I put the straw in the drink and move it around with the ice to mix it. I wasn't sad about that because I knew it was true and Carlo and I had never been close, especially after our philosophy class was over.

"What's the matter with you?" He changes the subject and asks, so I clear my throat.

"Not too much, because you know I'm dull.' He laughs when I mutter. "I'm writing a thesis for honors.'

"Wow, praise?" I nod when he mumbles. "Again, what show are you in?"

"History, with the early modern period as the main focus." I tell him again, and he nods.

I tried so hard not to be one of those stereotypical Brown University students who had random piercings on their faces, wore too many colors, and raised their hands in class too often to look smart. I was studying something I really liked and had my head down.

"What's your main point?" When he asks, I just shrug.

"My professor and I are still working on it, but it's about sexism and how it changed over time in early civilizations."

"Sounds like a lot." He shakes his head, leans back, and runs his hand through his thick, sandy hair. "You still work at the Coleman pool?"

I got a job as a lifeguard at the school's fitness center pool during my first year. I had my certification, so I decided to use it to get a job on campus. I usually did it between classes, and most of the time I guarded lanes and swam for fun.

"Yes, I just got a raise last month. I act like I'm proud, and he laughs.

"Cool." He gives a shrug. "You look different?' I try not to get too excited when he says something.

I had lost some of my extra weight. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough that I liked how I looked. Also, my hair had grown since he had last seen me, and I had a tan from the summer. Also, when Carlo and I hung out, I wore my "homeless chic" clothes, which were old jeans, warm sweaters, and worn-out sneakers. I got a good night's sleep, put on some simple makeup, and did my hair today.

"I think my depression is finally leaving me because it's summer and all.' I tease him, and he laughs. "You look different, too, but every time I see you, you look different."

"I know, because my girlfriend didn't like the mustache, so I stopped growing it. I raise my eyebrows when he shrugs.

"Did you start dating Kayla again?" I ask, trying to think of the name of the girl he used to date.

"No, I've met someone new in Jersey.' I agree with what he says. Carlo was a ladies' man at heart. He had bad ideas about dating and relationships, and he had a long list of phone numbers. He was the kind of guy I would never try to date. He was kind of a walking red flag. "Emma is her name, and I told her I had to go home first to take care of some things here.

"What's she like?"

"She's fun, nice, and tall." I roll my eyes when he shrugs. "Who've you been seeing?"

"I told him, "Absolutely no one." "I live with my parents, whose room is right next to mine, and I don't have a car. Those aren't good times to try to find a date."

I don't really care if I'm dating someone or not, to be honest. It didn't change anything about my life because I was too busy to date.

"When did you last go out with someone?" When he asks, I raise my eyebrows.

"I'm not sure.'

"You still live with your parents? I can't believe you haven't left, Juls. It's been two years."

"I say, "I can't." "I can't afford rent down here by myself, and I like being at home.' I defend myself by crossing my legs and leaning back in my chair.

In truth, I did like being home. Even my annoying little brother Jesse, I loved my mom and dad. I liked eating home-cooked meals that I didn't have to make, having Scrabble nights, and watching The Great British Bake-Off with my mom. I just hated going to work.

"You have to leave.' I roll my eyes and say, "No s***, Carlo."

I sigh and say, "I know that."

But it's not that bad; it's just the bus.'

"The bus that takes you to campus in about an hour?" He challenges. "Look, Juls, your backpack always looks like it weighs a hundred pounds, which means you don't sleep. I haven't seen you in months, but I can tell that the end of the semester has helped your mental health a lot."

"Well, what should I do about that?" I ask. "All of that is true, but this is how things are. No one is looking for someone to live with. I huff, lean back in my chair, pick up my glass, and take a bitter sip of my drink.

I don't know if I'm an adult enough to do it anyway, because I never have my stuff together, and I don't know if I could pay my bills.

"Wait." He tells me while giving me a strange look and pulling out his phone. "I know how to solve your problem and mine at the same time.'