When did loving someone ahead of you has become a wrong choice? I mean, those who's way out of your league; are they really worth fighting for? Or we're just in love with the thought that someone are being able to fill the emptiness we secretly hold. Hopeless people have met in the middle of a fight between themselves. They may be fallen for each other, but is it enough to continue the story they once started? Or the tingling sensation they felt is enough to stop the countless pages they have shared? "If loving Mister Leviathan was a crime, I'll probably be held guilty of a crap's not mine. It's a serious depravity-stupidity of a foolish lawless woman like me. However, I don't take rules: unless, you're Mister Lazarus."
Chapter 1 HER MEMORIES
As I unlocked the door of my small rented space near the coast, a cricking noise echoed from the empty, white-painted apartment which I somewhat call "home". Raindrops are slowly leaking from my broken rusty roof, creating music with the metal cans and cauldron which I often use to stop the water from flooding a certain area of my place.
Messy as it is, several clothes that are left unwashed are scattered everywhere. Cat poops and dog's vomit also makes my whole house stink. I haven't been here for quite some time, and now it feels new to return empty-handed.
Dozed off from a heavy work load, I headed to my old room to change my clothes, hoping that there was still enough water to provide me with a nice long bath. I wasn't actually expecting much since I left with a several bill notice that I failed to pay.
To my surprise, a tall white man is sleeping in my bed.
I tried to be silent as much as possible, but when I accidentally touched the chair, it created a noise, causing "him" to wake up from his peaceful nap, I guess.
"Wow, you still have the guts to come back after leaving me in this state, Avi?!" My ex-fiancé vented his anger as soon as he recognized me. I playfully smiled at him, and I almost laughed in sarcasm when I heard his sigh. But my mind kept on asking how hard his life was when I decided to leave him before.
He looked so hilarious that I couldn't recognize him anymore. He had his beard grow and his hair is now longer than before. He also has tattoos on his arms and he's way too skinny, as if he hadn't eaten for months. "How are you? How did you enter my house?" Gladly, I still managed to act unbothered, even though I could hardly catch my breath while looking at his current condition.
"You bet." He wore his shirt and got up from the bed. His eyes stared at me, but later on, he left the room.
I just shrugged it off and placed my bag on the sofa.
"Have you eaten breakfast? I can make us one. Just wait here," I said, drawing him back so we could talk.
"Forget about it," he slouched. "Well, did you enjoy your new job? Did you earn enough money, which was the reason why you left me?" he asked sarcastically, but I made my way to the vase and replaced the withered flowers there.
"Wow, I didn't know you liked flowers now," he said, and I laughed awkwardly as he stared at me blankly.
"I'm tired, Rhys. Let's talk about this next time," I said while rubbing my left eye. I know that I initiated the conversation, but talking to a blind mind and ears right now will not help me in one way or another.
I thought that he would stop talking, but he once again opened his mouth. "You finally saw your way back here. Do you need me? Do you need a human bank account?" he claimed as if he was a big help to me in my early bad days, when I ran out of money and had no one by my side to fulfill the struggles I've been experiencing.
"Stop uttering senseless things, Rhys," I seriously said, and his mockery laugh rang in my ears. He continued staring at me that somehow makes me uncomfortable.
The man I loved before is long gone now. I can see it.
I can't hold a grasp of the old Rhys.
Not wanting to make pointless arguments, I headed to our almost forest-like kitchen and opened our five-year-old fridge.
"Got any beer? Tell me when you don't, and I'll order," I smiled bitterly and picked up every single piece of trash my eyes caught. I must be grateful that he is not saying a word right now, but instead, he is observing my actions and didn't bother to help me clean up this mess.
"Please bring the laundry basket," I asked, but he refused to do as I said. I was about to get it myself when he suddenly walked towards me with his eyes meeting mine.
"Why did you leave me, Avi?" he seriously asked, not taking his gaze away from me. "You know how miserable my life was, yet you still found the courage to cheat." I saw his tears slowly falling from his eyes. I couldn't help but turn my back on him and pretended to do something.
All I wanted was a good life and a good future to live in. But the fact that I inflicted deep pain on some of the people while asking for a better life, including Rhys, makes my guilt fire up and consume me.
When did dreaming become a regret?
"You..." I closed my eyes, hearing his cracked voice from my back. "You've been well while you're away, I know that. You left me hanging, you hurt me in the most painful way I could ever imagine..." his soft yet bitter laugh made me build up my tears from my eyes.
I faced him and met his eyes directly. "You're not the only one who suffered," I said, and I saw how his anger suddenly faded from his eyes. "I've been well, you say? I don't think so, Rhys." I shook my head, crouched, and reached for the chair.
He didn't move from where he was, and stood there for a couple of moments. I know for sure he's waiting for my explanations, but enlightening him will just cause so much pain again, for me.
He then looked at me with an empty face and from my gaze, I knew he was destroying me in his very big mind, yet I could still see the doubt in his eyes.
"Rhys, I've given up everything while trying my best to stay alive, so I could go back." Tears started to fall from our eyes. The silence that suddenly appeared was so loud that it made itself the most deafening noise that one could hear.
I closed my eyes as memories began to fall from the highest peak of the rocks down to the river, revealing its story without leaving out any details.
My story was about to begin when his words stunned me from where I was sitting.
"You worked on the bar, Avianna?"