My Rapist My Lover

I could still remember it clearly, his smell, his touch, his rough hands but the most important thing I needed to remember which was his face was blurry. It happened years ago but it was still clear as a white cat on a burnt grass. I was coming from a party my friend hosted it wasn't really my scene but my friend begged ne to be there and I went not knowing it will be the worst decision I ever made in my life.

My boss brought me back to life banging on my desk oh I was daydreaming again at work I immediately collected myself and asked her if she needed any help, she handed me a pile of documents that needed to be stapled. This is not the life I wanted for myself I was always ambitious I had dreams I wanted to be one of the most successful young businesswomen in our country but I guess God had other plans because here I was running around Mrs Robinston stapling her documents I mean how useless can one

possible be in life. I was a receptionist and that didn't come with any perks except coming tired from all the typing, answering calls and running around from 9AM to 5PM. I always looked forward to my chilled evenings in front of my laptop watching series. I had a new series that I had downloaded at work "how to get away with murder" I mean I worked hard the least they could do is let me use their wi-fi although Mrs Robinston would kill me and bury me on their office garden then plant flowers on top of it. When I got home I defrosted chicken I was running out of groceries I needed to be careful or else by the time my payday arrives

I would be dead of hunger I was planning on cooking it with some salads I was trying to avoid starch I heard it helps when you are trying to lose weight although I wasn't so sure but trying never hurt anyone. I prepared my meal as music was blasting in the background. The knife I was using to cut some cucumbers cut mt finger and already my finger was leaking blood I watched it drop on the floor as soon as it did something triggered my memory.

I begged the guy to stop hurting me I was still a virgin I knew nothing about sex I was never interested but I knew that you had to be wet first before the guy can penetrate you, he forced himself on me I cried but it was meaningless my cries were replaced by sobs silent sobs as he pounded me violently.

I quickly went to the bathroom to try and stop the bleeding after I was done I took the mop and wiped the floor then carried on with my meal. This salad and boiled meat didn't do it for me but I really wanted to lose weight so I had to brace it. I washed the meal with some green tea. I continued with some series.

I was running late as usual this thing of me being late was becoming a habit now I had to rush to the train station just when I was getting nearer there was a commotion and this old lady told me that the trains were delayed oh great just great now I had to go back to the very same rank I passedearlier when I came here I thanked the lady and rushed out of the train station. I looked around and this big car stopped in front of me I might not be the good with cars but I knew that it was called a Fortuner. The driver asked me where was I going I and I told him, I livedin Braamfontein I rented a room there

which had a bathroom so everyday I took a train to work, I worked in the CBD. I thanked my lucky stars and got in the car. He dropped me off by my workplace and sped off I didn't even get to thank him and he didn't introduce himself either well I rushed to my workplace.

"You're so much in trouble" that was my annoying colleague Palesa, she told me that the boss lady wanted to see me.

"Shit!"

"You are swearing" I rolled my eyes at no one in particular because she couldn't see me.

Oh she was still here some annoying person she was, I quickly rushed to the boss lady's office I found her furious, she was a bit exaggerating I was only thirty minutes late okay maybe an hour but what could have possibly gone wrong in an hour what mattered is that I was there breathing I mean that mattered right.

"You are late!" she roared.

"Uhm I can explain ma'am" I was shaking.

To be honest I really had no explanation at all I couldn't possibly tell her that I was watching a series and I overslept.

"This is your first written warning, if you weren't such a hard worker I would have fired you a long time ago"

" I am so sorry it's the last time I do this I promise"

"That's what you said the last time"

"I just i...." I stuttered.

"Take this and consider it as your first written warning and close the door on your way out"

I guess that was my cue to leave. I needed to get hold of my habits if I wanted to keep this job I was lucky enough to get it without any qualification.

YOUR CHILD NEEDS FOOD AND MONEY FOR SCHOOL.

That was a text from my aunt who lived with my son back in KZN, that was a text I always got on my payday even before I got the one notifying me about my salary. I made a mental note to transfer a R1000 which was never enough to her, it's like I had to take care of her too I really needed a better paying job. After reading that text I went back to sleep there was no way I was going to transfer money at at 1AM I still needed my beauty sleep it was a good thing I wasn't working the following day.

I was coming back from the ATM when I noticed this car following me well not really following me but it was like it was watching every move. If I was rich I would think someone was sent to spy on me or something but I really had nothing to offer so that was out of question. I told my friends I was leaving since I didn't feel so good they were occupied so they had no problem I took my coat by the door, since it was really late I rushed hoping no one would attack me I could see home from where I was when this car I didn't see coming stopped right in front of me.

I quickly erased the thought and told myself to breathe in and out surely that incident would never happen again and I mean God can't really hate me that much in such a way that he would continuously send people to attack me. When I got to my place I called my aunt to ask her if she got the money, she picked out almost immediately.

"You know that money is not enough, food is really expensive nowadays surely you know that"

I don't know where she thinks I worked, I needed to survive too I couldn't send her all the money I had.

"I am sorry anti but it's all I can afford right now."

"Awu cha kodwa ke yona ingane idinga okuningi kunalokhu osinika kona iyadla phela lengane"

" I will send more when I can I promise"

Family!

On my way to work the following day I saw the very same car following me but quickly brushed the thought away and rushed to the train station. Luckily this time around I arrived right on time at work and Mrs Robinston was there already you would swear she had no husband or family to take care of she was always the first one to arrive and the last one to leave it was annoying really because shewas always watching us like a hawk nothing never gets past her or so she thought.

During lunchtime Palesa came to me and said that we should go get lunch the girl was trying so hard to be my friend andI was fine on my own but I went with her anyway. She was telling me about how her husband is always working and hardly give her his attention and the kids are always asking about him blah blah I wasn't really interested im rich kid's problem.

"Can you atleast pretend to be interested geez you are so mean."

"Excuse me" I widened my eyes.

"You care about only yourself"

"That's not true" I defended myself although I knew it was true.

"Oh is it? How come no one is friends with you at the office?"

I raised my eyebrow she really thought I cared.

"No, but I know you will tell me why?"

"You are selfish" well not having friends doesn't make one selfish in my vocabulary.

"I think we should go back to work."

"OOOkay" she dragged herself behind me, maybe I was a bitter person.2 Okay this car following me was becoming a habit now I was also scared I mean who would take time out of their busy day just to follow me around. This one afternoon I was coming back from work it was a public holiday which meant half day for us I noticed this white BMW just outside my place it wasn't the same car that used to follow me around so I had no worries I just passed it. I heard someone calling for my name I turned, it was the guy the very same guy that gave me a lift the other day.

"What?"

"I am sorry I caught you on such a dreadful day"

"How can I help you?"

"I need some I..."

"I'm sorry but I'm rushing somewhere" he asked sincerely.

"Can I take you home?" I huffed, I could use some comfortable leather seat rather than those from the train that can make your butt swell in a minute but I didn't trust this guy

"I promise I don't bite"

"Fine" I said as I was going to the passenger seat.

"So, is a this a coincidence"

"What?"

You, here offering to give me a lift"

"Oh, I actually came to finalize a deal"

I raised an eyebrow enquiring him to go on but he kept quiet and drove me to this coffee shop I know it because Mrs Robinston always asks me to get her coffee there it's not my kind of place very expensive.

"I didn't know we were going to a coffee shop"

He smiled a bit but quickly collected himself, it's like he wanted to be this tough guy who doesn't take nonsense.

I thought you would love some coffee"

I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

"Did you see the sun out? Its scorching hot and besides I don't even like coffee"

He looked hurt by my words, was that harsh? Well I don't like coffee.

"So can you take me to my place?"

"You really don't have to be this cold not everyone is out there to hurt you"

"What?" People really think they have me figured out.

I can see right through you it's like you built this wall around and you don't want anyone to break it"

"So, two seconds around and already you think you have me all figured out wow congrats Mr"

"My name is Sandile"

He said as he stopped in front of my house I was about to get off and it clicked I never showed him where I live I looked at him sternly.

"Sandile how do you know where I live?"

"I like the way you call my name well you showed me where you live"

Mxm it seems like I won't be getting any answers from this Sandile guy I made sure I bang the door when I got off.

My feet up on the coffee table, coffee on one hand and some snacks catching up on some series is what I always look forward to after a crazy afternoon at work. Being a receptionist is not my idea of fun and contentment but what choice did I have. I decided to check on my son he was grow up fast. I needed to go home soon I had avoided them for a long time it was time I went back home. I avoided home because it brought memories I had buried at the back of my head.

As days went by this Sandile guy made sure to be in my face forever, he never takes no for an answer. He took me to this secluded place once for shooting lessons I mean who does that but I have to admit I enjoyed it ever since he has been acting like I am his girlfriend I don't get it because he has taken me out once or twice well maybe five times it doesn't mean we are now dating or friends even because he has never asked me to date him I don't even know what gave him the idea, I can never say no to free food though.

This one morning I found Mrs Robinston all stressed out at work as soon as I made my way in she commanded me to email everyone and notify them about the meeting at 10am, we all knew that whenever she calls a staff meeting there is a problem brewing she never calls for a raise. I emailed everyone and made sure to tell them also when they get to work in case they check their emails too late. We were all scattered in the boardroom everyone asking those next to them what was happening, I was silently praying that I don't get fired if there was one person Mrs Robinston would fire first it would be me I mean I had never been on her best books ever. As soon as she got in we all sat down and kept quiet.

"As you all know that the place hasn't been doing good for the past two years management has decided to close it down, someone has already bought the place and will do whatever they want with it which means that we have no business you will all get your rightful packages. Should anyone have any questions people do come to my office. This will be our last month unless we get a miracle".

We all gasped we did not expect this at all I mean yes, we knew about low profits but we didn't know it was that bad. In a month's time, I will be joble